AIDAN JOHN MOFFAT – I CAN HEAR YOUR HEART (CHEMIKAL UNDERGROUND)

AIDAN JOHN MOFFAT – I CAN HEAR YOUR HEART (CHEMIKAL UNDERGROUND)

I cannot get a grip, this time last week it was snowing and the snow was settling, it was the most terrifying Easter I had ever seen. Thank Christ BBC took it upon themselves to show High School Musical 2 and pacify me with dreams of a golden future for my impending offspring (impending as in within the next ten years).

And now the clocks the have changed and this is officially British summertime? If its not raining now, it certainly has been and yet I still need to have my window open because it is still too fucking warm for me. Is this the way it is supposed to be?

I’ve finished with the music industry. I left just before Easter just on the verge of being the tour accountant this summer for one of my heroes and also for a Glastonbury/T In The Park/V headliner. I had had enough. Music has sickened me in the past but this was a new low, the escape had to be done. Unwisely to escape having to work out my notice I accused them (the industry) of constructive dismissal, a claim that could carry no weight considering my previous adventures with employers (that bloody book, I have done bugger all to push it this year).

I haven’t been pissed for months, this weather does not want it. The last time I “went for it” I wound up being sick in the pub and ended up at a loved one’s flat hurling bullshit and abuse at her in a comedic fashion before passing out on her sofa only to awaken in the morning with my trousers off having ruined ANY final opportunity to rekindle anything. Its all about the manager of S******lor for her now, how could I compete with that talented bunch of original artists.

Which all in all moves me to my current listening tastes. I was excited this year about new records from Nick Cave and The Breeders but neither have really cut it. Nick Cave was great for a few weeks but my enjoyment has been somewhat tarnished by everyone and their arsehole saying what a great return to form it is. Dude, never lost it.

And The Breeders' record just is not grunge. I sense it is a real slow burner, after this initial downer, the songs are growing subtly in my mind now and will probably remain there all summer, when it finally arrives. I have been listening to old Breeders bootlegs from the Last Splash era and they’re some of the most exciting live sets I have ever heard. I have even been revisiting their lyrics and fallen in love with simple first lines such as “I like all the different people, I like sticky everywhere” along with the beautiful way “oh c’mon, nobody wants that!” on Iris.

As I yearn my first big weekend the record that has really grabbed me is Aidan John Moffat’s this may be the soundtrack to my summer. I really regret how undervalued Arab Strap were to me after their first two records because their words are pure poetry. It is ridiculous how I found myself still surprised and shocked by “I Can Hear Your Heart”, it’s a no-brainer. I cannot remember which was the last record to make me laugh out loud but the current one is this. When I played a track around my parents’ yesterday and the stringed intro to track three came in to the response of my Father that’s nice, I just knew I had to skip a track entitled “Cunts”. This is not subtle but it’s painfully close to the bone. The dissection of Grease and the aftermath is pure grit realism and for some reason right now I need this attitude justified and confirmed to me. It may be the most negative take on existence but it doesn’t mean that it is necessarily wrong or unacceptable. Love will ruin a person, damn near kill them when it falters and goes wrong. I have also seen positive love/relationships stunt and kill the spirit of pure/real men. In other words, these words are essential.

She has cut me dead this year, the lady I fell for last Nov/Dec only to have stomp on my heart and ruin my 2008 but at least this confirms I am not alone and proves that there is a way of finding humour in the most debasing and humiliating of moments. Flirt divert.

As the rain comes humbling down and the words “summer is ready when you are” tickle my mind, I strive further looking for something the least bit summer and this perhaps unwisely finds me digging out my copy of The Punch And Judy Man – that has a happy ending doesn’t it?

Thesaurus moment: kindled.

Aidan Moffat
Chemikal Underground

Awana Resort, Langkawi

ADVERTORIAL

Super happy!! As you all already know, I got invited for a 5 day 3 night stay at Awana Resort in Langkawi!!

I bought Qihua along with me!

PICS PICS!!

Our flight there. Super excited lor!! We called the synchronise our clothes and stuff (you bring shampoo I bring facial wash etc).

Flying Silk Air!! Yums. We bought slept at 12 noon that day (MJ till late) and woke up at 3 to pack. Haha!

So pretty! The seats are sea blue/green.



And we fly!!

1.5 hours later we land...

IN LANGKAWI!!!




Wan from Awana was there to pick us up.





Qihua told me to take a mugshot from the nameplate.
How? Grumpy enough not??




KK standing in front of our beautiful hotel's lobby desk.



And we explore our room!



Two queen beds...
Can each bring one boy home and do naughty stuff.

Curl up on the sofa and eat fruits. So nice got super sweet mango and the baby mandarin oranges are so round and cute and yummy!!

Camwhoring in the toilet.

It was 9pm, and we were famished!!

Lucky for us, a buffet's waiting... All food within the resort is complimentary!! :D

KK loves Seagull cafe, although she is mortified by birds and thought the model of the sea gull in the cage is real.

Yummy Asian food.

I don't know how I manage to photograph the noodles to look like worms, but they are really very nice!! Supposed to mix with the egg drop sauce and eat.

Supposedly artistic shot of KK with my watermelon juice.

After eating, we took a walk outside the cafe and was shocked...


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The resort was built JUST BESIDE THE OCEAN!!!

Photos not very clear but it is sooooooo romantic. The wooden patio overlooks the sea and there is a salty breeze blowing through your hair while you can look at the stars in the skies.

ROMANTIC LA!!! Mike is super jealous that he couldn't go due to work.

Al fresco dining. I thought the branch they put there was lightning lor...

We had a bit of a chat in the easy lounge with Awana personnel, listening to the live band, but predictably at around 9pm I couldn't take it anymore.

Only slept 3 hours you know!!!


SO WE K.O.



DAY ONE

Next morning, I woke up at.... 6.30am. INCONCEIVABLE!! It is now 7am and I haven't sleep lor!!

Wandering around the room, I decided to open the curtains to look out of the window since we didn't bother to the night before...


AND PLEASANT SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUMONGOUS SEA VIEW BALCONY!!!

Is it just plain romantic or what!!!

KK and I watched the sunrise together and we fell in love with each other until a while later I realised she wasn't really my type. Smelly...

(Without her glasses, KK said the island looks like a dinosaur. I really don't see how it looks like a dinosaur until I realised she was half-blind.)

Just below our room little boats were decked.





Our neighbours.



Sunrise

Le sigh.......... LANGKAWI IS SO BEAUTIFUL LEH!!!

After watching the sky turn rose, we start doing more important stuff... Like dressing up for the beach!!!

How vain am I?

Not more than KK who is attempting to draw a mole on her zit. -_-


HOTEL BREAKFAST!!

Sorry I was very hungry so I ate before I took photos... Hahaha!



My beach bag for the day

We wait around for the Captain Ah Long to bring us!

He is our "hired" tour guide for the day, and not only scoots us to many different locations on boat, he also does a great job introducing olden Langkawi myths and legends to us - and not to mention show us the magnificent attractions around.

And we go!!!





Super excited!!

This girl called Soo Hwa (sorry if I spelt it wrong babe!!) from Awana joined us for the day. She's from KL and initially she was very quiet but as she got more excited from the boat ride she opened up. SHE IS SUPER NICE LA!!! She's so unassuming and smiley and positive and Qihua and I both like her so much.

Qihua even said to me after Soo Hwa was gone that she (Qihua) keeps hanging around people like me then she never realised that in the world, there are people who are sincerely nice and kind.

WTF??? I just treat her to free trip she like that say me!!

Happy KK and SH.

SH is super enthu about taking photos la!! She very cute right? Come visit Singapore soon leh babe!!!

Captain Ah Long on the right!! Our lives are in your hands!!



*imitates boat motor* Off we go!!!




THE BOAT MOVES SUPER FAST AND WE ALL GOT WET!!!

But it is super duper fun!!!!

SH keep whooping to herself the entire time. Hahaha!



What is this? See the background?



IT IS THE SHAPE OF A PREGNANT MAIDEN LYING DOWN!!

The island we were heading to is called the Island of the Pregnant Maiden, and Langkawi myth has it that once you drink the water from the lake at the island, you will become fertile again and will be able to have babies!!

I made crude jokes about men doing rude things in the water and thus pregnancy. Ahem.

I asked the captain why the pregnant lady got extra set of boobs (is it she do boob job then the real boobs sag and the fake boobs stay put??) and he just laughed.

KK said, very pompously mind you, that the "lower boobs" is the lady's arm, resting across her stomach.

CAN LIKE THAT ONE MEH?? OWNSELF PRESUME!!

The sea's colour is gorgeous.







We arrive!!





MONKEYS!!





With babies...

This one found a newspaper and is interestedly pretending to read it to show off to tourists.

Unbeknownst to it, the newspaper is facing the wrong way so everyone's laughing at it!! Haha stupid hao lian monkey!!

After climbing for 15 mins steadily up flights of stairs, we arrive at the famous lake!!

I was super happy coz I can finally tan!!!

The water's 20 feet deep and angmohs were all wading happily in it.

I am crazily oiled.





This Soo Hwa super loves to take photos lor!!
I never ask her to take!! She volunteer one!!


This monkey baby looks strangely like a human being.



To location TWO we go!!



EAGLE FEEDING!!!

Captain Ah Long throws chicken skin into the water, and these majestic and gigantic birds then swoop to the water's surface and have some fantastic lunch!!

I AM AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHER CAN?!?!

They are so beautiful and there is just something grand about watching them fly so gracefully... The skies were full of these eagles and KK was trembling in her bikini coz she hates birds!!

I told KK... Eagles look so strong and they are supposed to be like aloof and cool... eating from humans seem to make them look like average kiasu birds leh...

KK scoffed at me and said something to the effect of "Eagle don't need to eat meh?"


AND WE ARRIVE AT THE FANTASTIC BEACH!!

We were told that to get to the most beautiful beach, one must take a boat ride around 1 hour out of Langkawi into the more secluded and smaller islands (which we did not do).

I really don't get it though... You mean there are beaches nicer than this?

Can you see how beautiful it is? I didn't even have to photoshop it.
It IS this colour.



We are all happy girls!!



Tide out...



Tide in... Look how clear the water is!!

Wallpaper not!!! Clickable!! SH took this photo for me and I SUPER DUPER LOVE IT!!

Know why I am so happy in the sea?

1) Finally getting tan

2) THERE WERE LIKE A MILLION LITTLE SILVER FISHES DARTING AROUND MY LEGS!!

These fishes are so daring, they swim around us as we sit in the shallow waters to tan, but they never do touch us!! They just see to swim close enough to curiously wonder what this big human lump, then they flap their little tails and move away in unison. Very cute right?

SH caught me with an expression that plainly says, "Darn this sand in my bikini bottom!"



Qihua had the brilliant idea of shooting jumping jacks.

I look soooo horrible that I cannot even photoshop it better. My expression was that of someone very constipated, yet very happy. It's better that you don't see it or you will die of laughter for sure.

KK and SH.... I super like this photo la!! Very cute and happy!!

After frolicking on the beach for a bit, someone called to me and told me a monkey was digging into my bag!!!

Horrible right the monkeys - so daring!!!

I yelled "Oi!!" to the said monkey and he gave me a look and continued digging through my bag as through he wasn't just interrupted by someone 5 times his size!!

I then kicked sand at him so he moved like 3 feet away and sat there placidly, looking at me cover up my bag mildly interestedly.

I got annoyed with him so I threw my suntanning oil at him, but it landed just beside him and he didn't even move or flinch ok!! He just continued scratching his ass!

And then, one of the monkeys started digging into the knapsack of an angmoh couple!!

The couple just stood there and let the monkey do it, until the monkey found a tupperware it was interested in and ran a little way back to examine his loot:

He figured out how to open it, realised there was no food inside, and tossed it unceremoniously aside.

Back to the hotel!!

Boardwalk





Us posing with our ornamental plates!!

We got stealthily taken photos off!! Mine is chio so I bought it. :D





Back in Hotel Lobby after a nice long shower...

And we were going to:



UNDERWATER WORLD








Humongous and ugly fishes!! Hahaha look like Shuyin.



Mandarin ducks?





A bit pointless... Both of us look so blurry.

Aren't flamingos so weird-looking?? Look at how many joints there are at the neck!! And the legs are so skinny!! Like got design flaw leh... I think if God really created us then flamingos are a bad design coz it looks too GIMMICKY.

Like I am imagine this mad scientistish guy saying, "And then I am giving it thin and long legs so it can stand in water... Very long neck so it can look for food underwater..."

Someone logical replies, "Why not just make it be an underwater creature in the first place?"

And the mad scientist ignores him and says, "Yes... Wings too of course, but purely aesthetics... cannot fly. AND YES. PINK."

Ugly ducklings or beautiful swans?

Can you look at this?!? KK is bad at photography lor!! I take so chio for her she cut off my body all!!!

When I pointed this out to her she haughtily said, "Hmpf!! Maybe it's the subject?"

WAH!!! Shitty photography still don't wanna admit!!

BTW tamarin (?? how to spell) monkeys were behind us... but cannot see.

PENGUINS!!!

So tumbly and cute!!



This old one is extra puffy!!



Nothing to do must air armpits.




WHAT IS THIS????


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Star-shaped sea urchin!!





I hope he wasn't lurking in the beach when I was there...

Check out this banana-strawberry marshmallow sea slug!!

The colours damn chio la!!! It's totally pink and yellow stripey!! It looks like one of those gummy things we eat.

Shark with identity crisis.... Guess what its name is??

ZEBRA SHARK. Mad not? Totally look like leopard. -_-






"Woooo fountain! Let's take photos!!"



Otters!!

Did you know sea urchins have like little sparks of light emitting from them? Curious isn't it?

Yucks!! Sea worms!!



Super cute pufferfish


Bloop bloop.......... Jellyfishies!!





Look like brains floating... This species not chio one... Brownish purple...



Then we saw the prettiest jellyfish EVER:

It is pure white and has a LONGGGGGG train of flowy stuff trailing behind it... it is so dreamy and floating and reminds me of songs played at beauty salons!!

Qihua say it looks like a wedding gown!!

Scary-looking sea horses

After this we go back to the hotel for a short rest... VERY MAJORLY TIRED LOR!! Why is it that going to the beach just drains all your energy away?!

We then go for our SIZZLING STEAMBOAT!!

Al Fresco dining beside the sea. Very very romantic!



Our food... check out the fresh BIG scallops!!
AND BIG MUSHROOMS!! I love mushrooms!!







YUMMY!! Can you see how tired we look though? Haha...

At 10pm, we slept for the night.



DAY 2


CABLE CAR RIDE!!



It goes WAY HIGH UP!!

Qihua was going on about how she is very very scared of heights and this cable car right is making her sweat balls, but I was never really afraid of cable cars leh... I couldn't understand what's so scary about it either.

She kept saying that once the cable car line in Singapore broke before... She's a trooper in the end though and braved it with me!!

Qihua with faltering brave smile








Ok... that's a tad high...



Make that very high... NOW I can see why people would be scared...

Qihua was mumbling about how fall down also cannot find corpse etc... -_-

So we took photos to distract her.



Gorgeous views




ME NO SCARED~!!!



Qihua's timid sweaty palms





Look down from way up high is infinitely more scary than the other way round...




Bully the scared Qihua to help me take photos.



Pretty hor? It's so grand.

Got part 2 of the cable car right that goes to another summit!! We didn't go though since Qihua was already freaking out. But of course, the cable car system is very safe and we arrived back at ground floor without a hitch.

We were cam-whoring at the Oriental Village afterwards when Wan, our tour guide for the day, called out to us to go over to where he was standing with a local.

And lo and behold!!!!

SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! *Hisssss* *attempts Parseltongue but fails*

KK carrying snake...! She's not scared of cockroaches (can catch with bare hands) and hugeass pythons but she is scared of birds (even little chicks) and heights. -_-

Me with snake... Heavy la!

The owner of the snake kept asking us to do funny poses with his snake.

HE KEPT URGING ME TO KISS THE SNAKE!!!

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As you can see, I am a tad unwilling. The snake keeps shooting its forked tongue out... I don't wanna taste that lor!!

Look ma, no hands!!

And off we go for food!!



Grumpy coz very hungry...



Qihua told me to pose and since I was exhausted, I gave her damn forced smiles.





Hahaha!!

Our rice arrived:





So cute star-shaped one!!

After this, we go to a luxurious spa treatment back at the resort!!


Excitedly stepping into it

Apparently, Awana's spa is new!! It is very big and the service there was impeccable.



Once we stepped into it, the trained masseuses dressed in traditional Bali robes came to ask us what we want to do. Very warm and friendly!

Qihua and I were led into different rooms and I must say I was impressed with mine! The beds are all covered in traditional purple batik prints (is it paisley??) and at the end of the room was a hugeass bathtub for guests to take baths in.

Photos were of course not allowed in the rooms (us being nude and all), but I had a fantastic 1-hour long traditional massage, and Qihua took a milk bath (coz she was sunburnt and wanted something soothing) which she claimed made her skin like MADLY soft.

I also want!!!

After this, we dine at Villa Rossi, Awana's in-house Italian fine dining:

It's quiet and beside the sea... The place is so serene and gorgeous I really don't feel like going back to Singapore anymore where everywhere is filled with humans... :(

Seafood chowder!





My steak



KK's cod fish



And a shared dessert of cream caramel!



Villa Rossi!!!




DAY 3

Rest and Relax day!!! We decided to just go the the resort's swimming pool to tan the day away!!

Ordered food to the poolside...

You can't see, but the nuggets are heart-shaped!!



So much food... Very very happy lor!!







And the sun's a-shining. =D

After this, we go on the thing we've been looking forward to the most...

SUNSET CRUISE!!!

KK is a tad grumpy coz she broke out into a heat rash due to a bit too much sun... :(

A lot of angmohs onboard with us!!!








My tatt faded a little



Honeymooners



What is this??



Gorgeous sunset



Qihua is shocked... What's happening?



HELP!! WOMAN IN WATER!!!

Ahhh!!! This net is actually called a "salt water jacuzzi" and you can sit on it, have a beer and chat while the yacht pulls you along and you get "massaged" by the sea!!

Food is being prepared as we act poetic:



Machiam very emo...



This one also.

We both sat side by side along the yacht, and Qihua suddenly squealed, "O.M.G!! Look!!!!"

And we spotted two of the brownish-purple jellyfishes just floating around the surface of the sea!! Super cool!

YUMMY!!!



Finally, we see the sun setting...

Quickly take photo with it!!







It took like a mere 2 mins and the breath-taking spectacle is over...

And then in the morning, we head back to SINGAPORE!!!

I must say, the overall experience I give a 9.8/10! I don't even know what the 0.2% missing is, but I think if I gave it a 10/10 some of you will be like, "Sure or not!! You only saying that coz they paying you right!!!" Hahaha!!!

I still miss the ultra beautiful beaches till today and I so wanna go again!!

The service has got to be the best thing that Awana offered us though. Our sorta tour-guide/chauffeur Wan was very very friendly and extremely patient as he waited for hours on end while Qihua and I went to various destinations.

If I had to wait for 3 hours for two frivolous girls to do their shopping I'd be super grumpy lor!!

When we asked him questions, he always gave informative (and funny) answers, and never once said "I don't know" but instead checked everything clearly. If you go you must try to get Wan as your tour guide!!

At the end of the trip we even gave him an envelope saying "Thank you for your excellent service" and rm50!!

I LOVE LANGKAWI!!!

If you want a perfect holiday too, you can go to Awana's website for more information. I'd say it's ideal for lovers (so many other honeymooners there it's hard not to feel romantic) or bigger groups of friends, especially if they are into all the beach stuff!!