I do look like a tranny

Been very busy lately! It's 6.30am now and I don't even feel vaguely like sleeping, so I thought I'd blog some random thoughts and recent happenings!!

1) I had a horrible shock when I had my first MacDonalds Grilled Chicken Foldover yesterday.

The first 2 bites were terrific, and then... BAM! Like a slap to the face, I bit into a giant, raw onion!!!!!!!!

I never knew the bloody foldover has onions inside!!

So here's a warning to everyone who, like me, hates onions, and have a sudden urge to eat a Grilled chicken foldover. Order it without onions!!

To my surprise, when I started telling everyone that the stupid foldover had onions (and honestly, I couldn't get rid of the taste on my tongue till the next morning. SOMPAH! Never exaggerate one!!), NOBODY BELIEVED ME.

Everyone just skeptically and patronisingly told me, "Got meh?"

When I reply "GOT!!!!!!" in a perhaps overly loud manner, they mostly just recoil and say they never noticed the onions inside, ever.

SO NOW... Does the Grilled Chicken Foldover contain onions, OR NOT?

If it usually doesn't, then did my delivery guy delibrately put some in to give me this lifetime trauma?!

Anyway speaking of mac delivery... It's awesome man!!

LOVE HEART MAC DELIVERY!

- 24 hours! Perfect for MJ food.

- Order-takers are ALWAYS, CONSISTENTLY, polite, smart, and articulate. HOW? Where do they find such people? They all sound like Uni students.

- Special orders never get forgotten.


Also, I love the new McGriddle! But it seems like I am the only one, because everyone else thinks it is "weird".

Pancakes kiaping sausage, melted cheese, and egg!! What's there not to like?!



2) Continuation of my maid's awesomeness.

Remember the lizard trap I bought?

That day, the maid came and saw that the trap caught an adult-sized lizard dead inside.

Frankly, it is super gross. The lizard got stuck on the edge of the relatively big trap, so theoretically the rest of the trap (full of glue) is a little wasted.

She took up the box, completely undeterred by the dead lizard, and told me...

She is going to cut/peel off the part of the trap with the dead lizard, so that the trap can still be used again!!!!!

CRAZY NOT!!

She is not only awesomely brave but damn frugal lor!!!


3) I am recently mad over Edamame peas!!

These are the peas that are commonly seen on the moving belt in Sakae Sushi, and I was super surprised when I ate them and they don't taste like normal peas at all!

Hate normal peas.

To my delight, they are commonly found in NTUC in a large frozen package (NTUC house brand somemore lor...), so all you have to do is to boil them (lightly) and sprinkle some salt on them. Yums!!

I am still eating them right now as we speak and I've almost finished the whole package already (!!!).

But it's ok coz it's supposed to be healthy food!! IMMA BE SO SKINNY! But I hope I don't start to have a green tinge.



4) In case you are wondering about the title, some time ago Shuyin and I stayed over at Wanyi's before she went back to Australia to study.

We then decided it will be fun to put ugly make-up on each other.

The chosen theme for me that day was heavy Minah make-up, you know the kind with the severely drawn skinny eyebrows?

Unfortunately, all I turned out looking like was Tranny-ish.

Shuyin having fun slapping on loads of concealer and foundation on my eyebrows to conceal them, then drawing my pseudo-eyebrows 3 cm above my normal ones. -_-

Very fugly.

They then added bright blue eyeshadow as well as blood red lipstick...

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CHIO NOT!!

I totally agree now: I do look like a tranny!!

I think girls who have long face or long chins look like trannies lor!! I have a long face. BAH!

Anyway that's not the worst of the photos but I shall not put anymore to scare people.

Shuyin was also a victim of the tranny make-up but I shall not post her pics coz I don't know if she will like that. I know I won't!! Super ugly!! Hahaha!!

And just in case there are new readers here who are horrified and think that I look like that all the time, I just have to say that with proper make-up I look like THIS:

Still a bit tranny-ish but at least not a super ugly tranny...

And lastly, to end off this blog entry, I present you with Wanyi as...

AMY WINEHOUSE!!!

I had to blacken her tooth, but other than Wanyi's good complexion, UNCANNY, you think?

HAHAAHAHA!

p/s: Almost finished the eyeliner stick when drawing her eyes.

Awesome Advert

NIRVANA – ALL APOLOGIES/RAPE ME (DGC)

NIRVANA – ALL APOLOGIES/RAPE ME (DGC)

It seemed like a long time from when I first heard this song as part of Nirvana’s Reading 92 headline set until it was finally released as a single in what seemed like pointless fashion. I guess the time was nearing Christmas and DGC had to squeeze a few more bucks out of the band some way. It never even had a music video though, such felt the irrelevance of putting this song out as a single.

Late 1993 was a dicey time for me. Somehow I had wound up in a weird youth training college where I appeared to be the token grunger while a large portion of the college was made up of trainee bricklayers and labourers. Just how much training do unskilled workers require?

“All Apologies” is a sweet song. I first heard it as part of the Reading 92 set and guessed that the song had been written about his unborn baby with the repeated references to his son. Strangely when Courtney shat the kid out it was a girl. Whoops. I have to say I always preferred the very first version over this eventual studio version not least as it didn’t have that attention seeking “everyone is gay” line. Oh well. On the subject of attention seeking….

“Rape Me” is not Kurt’s finest moment even if he may have thought so. For a band that had previously been so subtle this now feels overt to the point of cheesy although I am sure at the time I saw things his way even if I was a bit too embarrassed to have my stereo volume up too loud for this song. I think the band’s threat of playing this song at the MTV Awards in 1992 possibly made the intro and opening bars more exciting than the actual song.

Rounding out the release was another controversial track in the form of “MV” which appeared to stand for “moist vagina”. It is a pretty clean song playing on the quiet loud quiet formula which is minimal in content (maybe even unfinished) and then it ends with an extended Cobain growl that is even being looped or was making his face go blue in the process.

All good things but at various stages were bettered.

Thesaurus moment: dilatorily.

Nirvana
DGC

Lazy? I don't think so.

I'm in quite an awful mood now. Can't quite say the reason, but well, feeling a little bored at home so I thought I'd blog and complain.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EARLY RISERS?!

Seriously man. Since I was a kid, I've always been shaken awake even during weekends by my daddy, as he thinks that anytime after 11am is unacceptable to be still sleeping.

Now, as I grow older, of course my daddy doesn't shake me awake anymore, but instead I get phone calls or Mike, etc, all trying to wake me up early.

Often, I get stuff like this:

Caller: "Hello?"

Me, groggy: "Yeahhhhhhhhhh?"

Caller: "OMG! You ARE STILL SLEEPING? It's already 3pm for god's sake. You are so lazy/such a pig etc etc."

Me, curious but want to get back to sleep: "What do you want?"

Caller: "Never mind, nothing."

Me: "WHAT IS IT???!"

Caller: "Never mind la! I call you back later."


I CANNOT EVEN START TO DESCRIBE HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THIS IS.

I think being waken up prematurely is among one of the most irritating things to happen to anyone.

And this happened with SO MANY PEOPLE, SO MANY TIMES, that I am not even targeting anyone in particular.

FIRST, I SLEEP TILL WHENEVER I WANNA, AND I DON'T NEED TO BE JUDGED BY YOU. If you don't like it that I sleep till 3pm, then simply don't call me anymore!

And secondly, if you want to call me just tell me what it's for, because I will be fucking curious and cannot continue sleeping anymore!

Thirdly, I FIND IT VERY UNFAIR WHEN PEOPLE SAY I AM LAZY.

That is so FUCKING presumptuous of them! LAZY? Really? What defines lazy? Someone who keeps noctural hours?

Let me tell you fuckheads: I AM NOT LAZY. I simply SLEPT LATE.

Which part of SLEPT LATE don't you understand?

And if I slept at 12pm after a dozen hours of overnight MJ, I AM LIKELY TO BE ASLEEP AT 3pm ISN'T IT???


I don't think I sleep "the whole day". I slept at 4am and woke up at 12pm today. 8 hours is a lot meh? It's perfectly normal what! You also "sleep the whole night", and I am not judging you for it, am I?


I don't get what's with people who rise early coz they have to work and their tendency to assume that everyone should keep the same hours as them.

Really? Oh? You wake up at 7am and go to work and do productive stuff all day till 12am when you sleep? Wow! You mean that's the way the world functions? SO WHAT? CANNOT BE DIFFERENT MEH?

I HATE waking up early because I've got nothing to do at home in the afternoons and it's so fucking hot! I like being awake at night coz Mike's sleeping so I can use the aircon and surf the net in comfort.

I like the night and I don't have to justify myself.

It is not MY FAULT that you people have to wake up early coz your job demands it, and my job doesn't!

I believe if everyone had a choice, nobody would choose to be woken up by a bloody alarm clock every morning.

Provided that you earn the same amount and do the same amount of work, of course everyone will choose to wake up at whatever time they feel comfortable at what!!

Feel so angry with the world right now.

Only fellow bummers can understand what I mean!! My friend who is nocturnal too was telling me how his mother often shakes him up at 11am and will turn off aircon etc to heat him awake.

OMG! I feel so sad for him!! Additionally, he is the insomniac type so it's like after he gets woken up he can't go back to sleep anymore.

Yeah. So you people stop hounding me!!

Very grumpy!!

NAH NAH... New eps on Click Network!!

Xiaxue's Guide to Life



Tongue piercing!!

Chick VS Dick

Kaykay and Paul face off in the singing challenge!

p/s: As the date shows I blogged this some time ago so I am not really angry anymore... Haha!!

MUDHONEY – THE LUCKY ONES (SUB POP)

MUDHONEY – THE LUCKY ONES (SUB POP)

Since reforming and returning to the Sub Pop fold the output of Mudhoney has served for frustrating stuff. After so many years though this band still has the goods and The Lucky Ones proves to be a genuinely thrilling record, finally the returning release befitting of their legacy.

It doesn’t take long to grab hold as “I’m Now” opens with lines such as “I still see that look in your eye, passing through security waving goodbye” in a manner in which Mark Arm only appears to do. With a thumping fizzy riff from Steve Turner drenching the track in turmoil as the chorus of “the past made no sense, the future looks tense” there is once more a dizzyingly nasty nonchalance to proceedings that doesn’t necessarily appear to be confident for the future. All complete with the nice touch of a doorbell buzzing to reiterate their bleak point.

The album explodes into life with the title track as Turner’s opening chops lead into a still truly incendiary band coming together to sound as if they are playing for their lives (or at the very least their careers). Here is another song with a bleak message (“the lucky ones are lucky they’re not around”) coming from seasoned pros who know what they’re on about.

With “The Open Minds” the band serves up a truly mixed message with the crashing observation that “the open mind is an empty mind, so I keep my mind closed.” Sure it is a baiting exercise, the sort of thing I would say to my left student friends without jobs or careers but big opinions on subjects they do not necessarily hold much of a footing in. Sometimes coming from a left field perspective you just get sick of being so righteous and informed, insistent on doing the correct thing and riding the tow. Sometimes you just have to tear loose and condemn! Not that I really believe Mudhoney have turned into real haters.

From here the record trails off slightly as bluesy numbers and fairly staid rock workouts inhabit the later recesses of proceedings although “Tales Of Terror” does offer up the kind of hard hitting chunky nasty riff that you always hope from Mudhoney as Arm continues to scream his way through proceedings before it takes a breather only to storm back faster and harder after recoiling. It’s a definitive lurch.

Beyond this it all comes to a plundering conclusion as the album fulfils its duty of being a memorable and noteworthy set of songs from a band that has long since fallen out of favour with social butterfly audiences.

Message to most bands out there playing with guitars: this is how your instrument should be sounding.

Thesaurus moment: staunch.

Mudhoney
Sub Pop

New website design

I am, and I am sure you are too, THOROUGHLY SICK OF MY WEBSITE'S LOOK!

It was all perfect and gorgeous a few years ago, but now I'm really quite bored by it!

I no longer look like the banner. That pair of boots has long been thrown away and replaced by other camel suede boots. That This Fashion corset has yellowed and might still be around somewhere. Gotta remember to throw it away. Skirt still around though!

Anyway, the flash designer, Alan, has promised me to make me a new banner, but so far he has been busy and this has also gone nowhere!!

So. To summarize, I am welcoming:

1) A website designer (or and team) to help me come up with a new creative concept (i.e. classic/girly/edgy etc... I have an idea but it's very vague so I need help) for my blog's new outlook, and then of course help me design it.

2) A photographer to take photos to this concept. Or the photographer can help me come up with the concept instead of the website designer. Either way!


Alan said he will design the flash banner if there is going to be one, so that part is settled!!

Eh... I don't have money to pay of course, but of course you'll be linked from here and can add my website's design to your portfolio!!

If your portfolio is already full to the brim then maybe you'd do it coz... you like my blog? Ehehehe!!

Ok then, interested people please email me at xiaxue@gmail.com with some past works attached!!

:D

Thanks thanks!!

Update: FUCK OFF, YOU PEOPLE! What's with the insults?

I *should* pay for a website designer? Why? Coz I said I am pro-capitalism?

I am not asking anyone to do a design for me for FREE. I said I will give an ad + link for as long as the design is up there.

Did you know what's the value of Alan's (my flash designer) link being up there on my flash banner?

The value of that for ONE SINGLE MONTH, based on blogads rates (the rates you see there are for weekly only) for websites with my kind of traffic, is about USD$9,000.

IS THAT IS ENOUGH PAYMENT FOR THE DESIGN OF A FLASH AD?

I've had it sit there for more than a year already, right?

That's USD$108,000 in ad value.

And that's not just internet money. People PAY THAT SORT OF REAL MONEY, and that's what I AM BARTERING FOR.

I think it is a muthafucking bloody good deal.

Any designer who is too blind to see the value of this, I am not interested to work with.

If you think you are a designer who does not NEED excess advertising because you are already too good, then fair enough... YOU DON'T NEED TO HELP ME, AND I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE YOU.

Give this chance to many other upcoming talented designers who are craving for a chance for more exposure!

Besides, I'm sure this is a creative avenue for designers who wish to do something more fun than designing boring corporate websites. If you think you will enjoy this, then of course you can feel free to email me.

If you think it's a chore, and just another piece of work for you, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PASSION, and I think that that's what designers need the most - so you are not likely to be any good anyway. No loss to me. :)

And if you are neither talented or a designer, then please... shut the FUCK UP. It is none of your business, you little busybody fuckface.

p/s: I have already shortlisted a designer and Alan said he will continue doing the flash for me. However, I AM STILL STUCK BECAUSE I DUNNO WHAT THEME I WANT!

I'm sick of the pastel colours so I want something a little less maternal and a little more edgy and grown up. What do you think? If you have any suggestions let me know! NO PRINCESSY PLEASE! I just said a little more grown up!!

I don't know why I am bothering though. I look at all the other bloggers' blogs and they are either thoroughly amatuerish and cluttered, or too basic for any personality.

But I'm should persevere and make the website chio, right?!?!

A day in the life of a famous blogger

My life is so interesting!!

Today....

11am: Maid came. Told her to clean the living room first coz I still want to sleep.

12pm: Vacuuming eventually woke me up. Announced to the living room at large that I am awake! Maid laughed at me and asked if I had a late night. I tried to tell her not particularly, but tongue stud hurt so I just mumbled a patronising reply.

1pm: Bravely, valiantly, I tried to eat some Maggie Mee. I survived it and didn't die.

2pm: Paid maid. She's like fucking awesome, she even cleaned the inside of the laundry basket!!

Decided to go tanning because of rare glorious cloudless sunny weather, and actually chose a bikini to put on. Noticed I have FIVE bikinis that are still brand-new. Surely I'm overcompensating for the spoilt Bintan one?

Wore bikini; noticed ingrown pube. Decided to ignore it for now. Rolled around the bed and realised the comforter is very, very comfy!! Maybe should sleep?

2.30pm: Still procrastinating about the tanning. Talked to Junne online instead.

3pm: Decided I would go tan, but sun is gone! Invasion of the clouds! Good, I thought. One less decision to make for me.

4pm: Pottering around the house and watched an ep of Dou Niu Yao Bu Yao. Called Mike and whined about him leaving me at home, and accused him of not loving me anymore.

4.05pm: Wash clothes.

5.15pm: Mike comes home.

6pm: I take off all hair extensions by myself. Goodbye platinum blonde hair with pink sparkles!!!

6.30pm: Yelled at Mike and demanded for him to bring me to somewhere where I can eat jumbo scallops.

Finding no solution for this that's 1) near to the east and 2) not that expensive, we settled for going to the new Downtown East shopping mall that's very near our place.

7pm: Had small argument about driving there. Mike's all for taking the bus (since it's so near, and parking fees there is outrageous), but we don't know which one to take, and I don't feel like murking around it.

Also, it's technically a date and people don't go to dates on buses!! Mike replied, "No, I bet lots of Singaporeans do." and I mumbled, "Yeah... secondary school students!" quite sarcastically and inaudibly due to swollen tongue.

7.30pm: Had yummy ribeye steak and caesar salad at New York New York. Total bill was $74!!!

Startling sudden revelation that the East is indeed nicer than the West in Singapore, because.... THERE ARE NO BANGALAS HERE!

Compare: Jurong Point is full of bangalas (very lecherous)/Malaysian factory boys (very lecherous)/China men (very lecherous). White Sands? None. Only happy chalet goers and little yuppie families.

I can't even remember the last time I saw a bangala even near Loyang!! In contrast Teban is filled to the brim with them. Eww!

I am an Eastie-convert. SELL-OUT!!

Saw a couple both wearing mud-coloured Crocs. I announced, "Only people in very stable relationships wear crocs."

Mike looks at me, impressed, and said something about how that's very true and someone should write a thesis on it.

8pm: Couldn't finish either the salad or the steak. Took both home.

8.15pm: Went to NTUC and bought foil, ziploc bags, more lizard traps, and some cherry tomatoes which I thought, when chilled, would be good for my long-suffering tongue.

Wanted to buy cling-wrap too. There is none left.

Mike insisted that there were some at home still. He is so sure, he wanted to bet $10 on this. I called him a chicken, and told him to up it to $50!

He said, "Nope... Don't feel right taking $50 from you." CHICKEN!

We go home, and I put groceries away.

THERE IS CLINGWRAP! How? I thought we finished it?

Hastily, I hide the excess clingwrap away and told Mike to come into the kitchen.

"GIMME MY MONEY!" I say. He checked the cupboard and saw no clingwrap, but insisted he never agreed to the bet since I said "Fifty or nothing!!!", and he didn't want to bet fifty so it was 'nothing' then.

Disgusting word-twisting liar!! Hahaha!! YOU OWE ME FIFTY BUCKS!

9pm - 11.43pm: I don't know what I did, but I managed to spend 3 hours online.

In between I constantly pestered Mike to "GIMME MY MONEY!" in a loud ringing voice, which he chose to ignore.

He also poured me a glass of iced water ("6 cubes of ice please!") and I swear I had a tonguegasm.

11.43pm: Writing this blog entry. Gonna put wet clothes into dryer, then play Mario Vs Sonic for a bit on my DS (so ridiculously hard, this stupid game!) and then sleep.


Isn't my life soooooooooooo interesting?

Gotta be, gotta be.

NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS – MORE NEWS FROM NOWHERE (MUTE)

NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS – MORE NEWS FROM NOWHERE (MUTE)

Not the most obvious of songs from Dig Lazarus Dig to be released as a single and at £4.99 this is a pretty bog standard seven inch for a such a price purchased new (and not collector).

Situated as something of an outro song, this song is a breeze, a grand description of a failed woo. There is a definite degree of persistence attached to the continued efforts and shattered groove.

You can hear/tell that the band is having fun as they downright sound like the Velvet Underground on a sunny day. The devil may care atmosphere and attitude applied to this song comes with a genuine sense of mischief that is infectious in a way that only the most accomplished of individuals are able mutter.

The sound of resignation to contentment, with a very mature feeling this song causes me to look up from what I am doing and smile.

This is the kind of song you have stuck in your head as you walk home in a happy haze having pulled and scored.

Elsewhere the song is accompanied by “Fleeting Love” a downbeat, almost country piano led track that crashes with an “In The Ghetto” crossed with Harold And Maude era Cat Stevens vibe.

Thesaurus moment: win.

Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds
Mute

Goddamn stupid reporters - and a persistent pain

(Meant to post this a gazillion years ago but didn't finish writing it...)

Thanks to blog readers for informing me about yesterday's a long time ago's tiny news coverage about me!!

Basically, the Fash Hag, an anonymous, often sarcastic writer (is she? I'm guessing from the two or so times she wrote about me... maybe she ain't sarcastic to everyone) thinks I should "live and let live" regarding the Bintan blog entry, and not have so cruelly (to some undeserving conglomerate?) wrote about about the resort.

To the Fash Hag, I think you have completely missed the point of my blog entry.

It is not to spitefully cause less sales for Angsana Resort, but to warn innocent travellers not to go to that particular place!

That, my dear, is an honourable and kindly reason, so instead of being reprimanded for it, I ought to be given a Good Citizen Award!!

If, my dear Fash Hag, you don't believe the things I wrote, there is only 1 simple solution.

Why don't YOU do some good in the world, and pay for your own holiday in Angsana? (No, of course you can't tell them you are a reporter!!)

Then, afterwards, if you thoroughly enjoyed yourself and think that the pleasure far exceeds the amount you paid, then YOU can go ahead and write about your pleasant experience and therefore neutralize the horrid blog post I wrote.

If you had shit of a time there, then don't say I didn't warn you!!

What the hell is a Fash Hag anyway? I'm guessing it's inspired by the term Fag Hag - in which a girl who often hangs out with a gay boy is termed a "hag" only because it rhymes with "fag".

But hag doesn't rhyme with Fash (rather, makes it sound quite awkward) so your name is quite pointless. Do you hang out with Fash a lot?

Anyway, enough of this!!

I just got my tongue pierced yesterday, and all of you who hate me, you'll be glad to know that I AM IN AGONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Food and I always had a long-standing, good relationship, in which I eat it, and it is happy to be eaten by me (latter self-assumed).

Now, due to the goddamn piercing, every single mouthful of swallowing is pure agony!!!

I can only eat 1 fusilli pasta at a time. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? CAN YOU?

It therefore takes me about 1 year to finish a bowl of pasta, and I AM STILL HUNGRY!!

Super annoying!!

KK kept ostentatiously showing me her piercing and urging me to do it, expounding loudly,

"CONFIRM WILL BECOME SKINNY ONE!!! CONFIRM! I lost 5 kg!! And it's not painful la!! Confirm less painful than belly!!"






So grinning like a fool, I did it.

And it hurt (way more than my belly piercing for sure), is still hurting (now Day 3), and to my horror, I actually gained 1 kg!!


WHY WHY WHY HOW HOW HOW WHY???!!


THE WORLD IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR TO ME!!!!!!!!!!


WHY IS IT FAT PEOPLE GET FATTER AND SKINNY PEOPLE GET SKINNIER????


Anyway, the whole tongue piercing episode will be on clicknetwork soon. It's gonna include explicit questions asked to the piercer! Haha!!


Meanwhile, new videos:

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE

I learn from an *ahem* expert how to write erotic poetry!! Are you can see from my facial expression, I was immensely bored by him. He and I were totally on two different frequencies and I imagine that when I am old, I'll peruse this video again and tell my grandsons that this is one of the most awkward and PR-ish moments I had in life.

Why? I don't know. I guess he is not serious enough for you to laugh at him, yet whatever he is not serious at is not funny????? It's not funny to listen to some guy's sexual fantasies and urges! God I hope I don't meet him ever again.

CHICK VS DICK

Wank-worthy material!

I suggested to Gillian that two of the Chick VS Dick eps should be about Paul doing something KK is good at, and then KK doing something Paul is good at!!

So it was decided that the two things are respectively pole-dancing and singing!!

This is the pole-dancing one, so whether you wanna wank to KK's gyrating (personally I almost couldn't watch it coz I'm her friend and it's like watching your mom dance sexually AHAHAHA), or Paul's slightly gay dance moves - go ahead and watch it!


Ok bye for now!

It's DISGUSTING! I slept at 12am and woke up at 9am like a typical OL can! Please people, jio me for overnight MJ so I don't become like this!!!!

It might become permanent, then I'd start to shop at G2000 and wear Perlini's Silver!! OMG!!! And buy the LV Neverfull, book lunch tables with tissues, which I take out from my lunch pouch!! And I'll clik clak in my 2 inch Charles and Keith and get pregnant!! Omg... I totally want a baby...

Quote of the day:

Kay Kay, after my piercing: "OMG! You totally cannot cannot eat noodles! Especially those curly kind like Maggi Mee!! It will curl around the ball bearing and you will DIE." (looks at me seriously, as if to say, "and you don't want that to be the way you go...")

Sympathy and Empathy (for undeserving scumbags) are over-rated

Oh god!! Junne just told me about the Josef Fritzl case!! It's so super grotesque I keep having vomiting sensations while reading it!!!!

For those of you who don't know yet, this Austrian man, Fritzl, 73, built a dungeon and trapped his daughter Elisabeth inside it for 24 years!!

Why did he do that? TO RAPE HER OF COURSE!!

The poor chick (quite chio somemore), imprisoned since 1984, was lured into a dingy dungeon (with no windows or natural light at all) by her father when she was 18, and repeatedly raped!

No wait, you think that's horrible? There's worse:

SHE WAS IMPREGNANTED 6 TIMES AND GAVE BIRTH TO 7 IMBRED CHILDREN.

One of the babies, a twin, died shortly after birth.

3 of these children were deemed to be too "noisy" to be kept in the dungeon by Fritzl and was brought to his home, where he lied to his wife that Elisabeth had abandoned them at his doorstep.

He had told his wife that Elisabeth, at the age of 18, had ran away from home to join a cult.

And the wife allegedly believed his rubbish!! I call BULLSHIT on this. Elisabeth was raped since 11, and I think it's impossible the wife doesn't know!!

The other 3 children, now 19, 18, and 15, lived their whole lives in the dungeon and NEVER SAW THE LIGHT OF DAY BEFORE.

These 3 children often witnessed their grandfather/father rape their mother.

What's more, Elisabeth on two occasions attempted to run away during her teenage years, but was unsuccessful - then she was caught by her father and imprisoned.

TWENTY-FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!

Within these 24 years I've grown from a baby to what I am right now, started a blog, made it famous, and attended 13 years of school and made hundreds of friends; toured America etc etc.

SHE got constantly raped by her dad!! And gave birth naturally without painkillers!!

(Little fucker didn't even bother to use a condom!! The thought pisses me off so much!!)

Now 42, Elisabeth and the dungeon children are Vitamin D deficient and malnourished. She has snow white hair and looks way older than she is, and her eldest child is currently in a critical condition (said unlikely to survive) and has virtually no teeth left.

I cannot even begin to FATHOM how horrible it is to be her, or even worse, her kids, who don't even have memories of the outside world. (ok, at least they are not raped for so many years I guess...)

She used to be so pretty too

Can you imagine? They never had a gourmet meal, or saw a rainbow or a sunset, or had a chance to fall in love!

[Link: Included pictures of the imbred children too. They look surprisingly normal, although eerily alike to one another...]

Eldest granddaughter also suspected of being raped, but cannot be confirmed as she is too sickly to give testimony.

And why?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE A MONSTER OF A FATHER.

And what is this monster doing right at this minute?

I'm telling you, he is relaxing in his solitary prison cell, comfortably watching TV!!

NABEHCCBCCBCCBCCB!!!!!!!!!

WTF IS THIS INJUSTICE?

Seriously man!! I had enough of this BULLSHIT.

They put him in a solitary cell because they are afraid that if put into prison, pedophilia (not to mention incestuous) criminals are often beaten up to a pulp by the other prisoners.

We must ask ourselves why these prisoners will beat pedophilic offenders up? BECAUSE THE OTHER PRISONERS STILL HAVE SOME OLD-FASHIONED SENSE OF JUSTICE LEFT IN THEM.

They might be robbers, burglers or gangsters, but fucking a child is CROSSING THE LINE and whoever did it deserves no less than death and a good old thrashing!!

WHY SHOULD WE TREAT SUCH SCUM WITH HUMANE ACTIONS? Why are we preventing other prisoners from beating him up?

(The little wuss is staying in his cell all day long and won't come out coz he's scared of being beaten up, just like he beats his daughter up. Oh God I AM SO ANGRY!!)

Does he deserve our sympathy and empathy? I say not a single ounce of it!!!!!!!

All around I've been reading forums and most people are shouting abuse at Fritzl, but here and there I see idiot comments like:

"Hurting him won't do him any good. It's best to lock him up for life, and let him reflect on his actions."

"You all are all going down to his level if you all want to kill him. Let's punish him in a civilised way."

"Please... He must have been mentally unstable. Don't be too harsh on him."

Is he really mentally unstable, such as his lawyer claims?

HOW MANY OF US WILL FALL FOR SUCH NAMBY PAMBY BULLSHIT AND LET A MAN LIKE HIM SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN A COMFORTABLE ASYLUM??

HE CAN TOUR THAILAND SOMEMORE LOR! LIKE THAT IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE MEH?

And EVEN IF HE IS, SO WHAT?! I never understood why mentally unstable people are let off. Do the victims of mentally unstable people suffer any less than those of criminals with sound minds?

I SAY NO, SO WHY SHOULD THEY BE LET OFF EASILY?

Anyone who rapes, murders, etc are probably of a less than normal mind anyway, because they obviously show more signs of being a sociopath than, say, someone who knows rape will hurt someone and therefore does not do it.

Are the people in high security prisons all normal? You telling me they are all normal?!

I therefore see NO REASON why people who plead insanity should have lighter sentences and escape from being put into prison like fellow offenders!!

What's with this stupid humanity shit anyway?!

He is bloody 73 years-old, had a 24-year-fill of young daughter vagina - WHAT IS THE POINT OF LOCKING HIM UP?


What for? For another 10 years maybe? Even killing him is not good enough for the irreversible harm he inflicted on all these people!


For maximum fairness, he ought to be locked in the very same dungeon for 24 years, then raped repeatedly by his own father in his ass!! (father also punished for shitty job of bringing up his shitty son)

And then, to simulate the pain of childbirth, he ought to have his dick dipped in concentrated acid for 7 times. For 63 months he has to walk around the place with a baby's extra weight.

However, there is no way that this can be done to him, as he is already 73 and probably can't live till 97, so this shall be, instead, done for 12 years with double the intensity of the rapes and the acid-dipping.

The only problem with this punishment is that he deserves it completely, so his suffering is probably less than that of Elisabeth's, who did nothing to deserve this.

So, I will instead suggest that he simply gets his penis chopped off.

The method for doing so shall be to tie a knot with a piece of string on his penis, and slowly tighten it until it eventually drops off.

*Having an awesome time imagining this*

But enough of this pleasurable imagery.

The topic of discussion here is the shitass law system we have.

Did you know that Fritzl was twice arrested for rape and once for exposing himself in public?

He was let free after 18 freaking months!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!!

He was let free to rape his own daughter!

The muthafucking bloody judge who let him off his first convicted rape oughta be also punished for Fritzl's further crimes, don't you agree?

I SAY WE PUT THROW THE ERRANT JUDGE INTO JAIL TOO!

We trust our judicial systems to protect us normal civilians from harm, but yet, due to a "magnanimous" spirit and a stupid tendency to give rapists a second chance, this monster is let out again - and look what he has done!

Honestly man! If you wish to give sympathy and empathy to these horrible criminals, then please, feel free to do so but you BETTER MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT TAKING A RISK FOR OTHER PEOPLE, right or not?!

How can you be so self-centered as to bet other people's safety on your own warped perception of someone's propensity to completely change?

If these judges trust all these so-called reformed criminals so much, then I strongly suggest that they let their teenage daughters be locked into a room with these ex-rapists for a few hours, and see how they feel about that.

If they don't feel that that's right, then please, why are they inflicting this horror upon the society in general???



What's this crap about giving people second chances - murderers and rapists DO NOT DESERVE IT.

Some things don't deserve a second chance, and THAT'S THAT!

They deserve to be kept in a cell forevermore, where in the case of a VERY POSSIBLE future relapse of their urges, they won't be able to harm anyone innocent.


Say we do release them. What should be done to rapists to ensure they don't repeat their crimes then?

There can only be 1 option:

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Chop off their goddamn penis and balls.

Little twitchy things that keep wanting attention. I SEVERE YOU NEATLY!!!

After they are penis-less and balls-less, they are then free to roam the world wherever they want to, because without testosterone, they won't experience a raging horny urge to molest people anymore anyway!

(But just in case they do, they should still be imprisoned for life. And yes, their balls and penises still have to be cut off just in case they escape, like Ted Bundy did.)

There is no need to argue my case, it's iron-cast.

I hereby give you 3 famous examples why all rapists ought to be castrated and then imprisoned for life and never let out:


1) John Wayne Gacy

Famous serial killer - raped and killed 33 boys and young men.

Caught for Child Molestation, and let scot-free after 18 freaking months! (his sentence is for 10 years)

Went on to rape, torture, and butcher 33 innocent people afterwards, because SOMEONE SOMEWHERE thought it would be a good idea to let this man go. You know... Give him a second chance.

You were wrong, weren't you? YOU ARE AS GOOD AS A MURDERER.



2) Jeffrey Dahmer

Famous serial killer - rape, necrophilia (!) and cannibalism (!) on 17 men and boys.

Was arrested not once but twice for masturbation in public. He was supposed to go to jail for a year, but released after 10 months.

Shortly after, he was caught for sexually fondling a 13-year-old boy. Again, went to jail for 10 months when he was supposed to be in for 1 year. (only???! there is some miscarriage of justice here...)

Went on to rape, butcher, rape their dead bodies, and eat 17 innocent people afterwards, because SOMEONE SOMEWHERE thought it would be a good idea to let this man go. You know... Give him a second chance.

You were wrong, weren't you? YOU ARE AS GOOD AS A MURDERER.



3) Alfonso Rodriguez, Jr

Raped and murdered College student Dru Sjodin.

Released from jail at the age of 50 after 23 years spent inside. He was charged for rape, as well as stabbing and trying to kidnap a woman.

Shortly after he was freed, he proceeded to rape, torture and kill 22 year-old Sjodin after she finished her work shift at Victoria's Secret. He left her half-naked body near his mother's house, in the snow.

Her bloodstained shoes and clothes were found in his car, yet he maintains he is not guilty. OH REALLY? DID SOMEONE PLANT THOSE IN YOUR CAR NOW, YOU POOR MAN??

Dru Sjodin was raped, tortured and killed because SOMEONE SOMEWHERE thought it would be a good idea to let this man go. You know... Give him a second chance.

You were wrong, weren't you? YOU ARE AS GOOD AS A MURDERER.



And therefore, I'm telling you, save your bloody namby pamby sympathy for people who deserve it, please.


Some people deserve NOTHING less than death, for their existence in the world only bring about extreme harm to others!


*************


In Singapore, drug traffickers are dealt with by the death sentence. Anyone who dares to argue that this is too harsh is immediately met with the rebuttal,

"If they know they will die if they get caught, why do they still do it? These drug traffickers simply asked for it. Take a risk, accept the consequences!"

Worldwide, the same can be used for rapists and sex offenders, except that instead of death, it's the chopping of the penis/clitoris.


No more orgasms for them.

UPDATE: Josef Fritzl now claims that the media painted an unfair picture of him, and he is not a monster.

He said people should give him credit as he kept Elisabeth and her children alive for so many years.

He said that he COULD have killed Elisabeth and her children, but he did not.

He said that it is because of him that the eldest of the dungeon children, Kerstin, is still alive, as he brought her to the hospital.

Amazing? Yes.

Hilter COULD also have personally raped Jews as well as massacre them, but he didn't. So you know what? That makes him a good, kindly person.

Wooo... So nice of you to bring her to hospital, you old fuck. Oh wait, DIDN'T YOU MAKE HER SO SICKLY IN THE FIRST PLACE?

FUCK YOU! I can't believe he is still justifying what he has done, can you believe it?!?!?

AND WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE FOR THEIR LIVING? Elisabeth could have been working for her own living and had a husband and family of her own, but YOU DIDN'T allow her to!

Completely self-centered and still showing no signs of remorse!! I can't think of a punishment severe enough for him. No, I honestly can't.

Getting back into the groove

Whoopie!

Aren't you all just happy that I'm blogging more often again?

Coz almost every night, while I am using the PC, my thought process goes like this:

"Should I blog or should I...

1) Go internet shopping? Maybe something new on spree sites and F21?

2) Jio people for MJ?

3) Watch DVDS?"

Invariably, most of these things come before blogging, because those are 100% stress-free! (Except for MJ la but I love MJ so it's ok)

But tonight, I've finished seeing all the shopping sites (nothing new, and on weekends F21 takes a rest on updating), nobody is free for MJ, and I don't feel like DVDs coz there is a resident humongous lizard outside, so here I am, blogging!!

Today Mike brought me, for the second time in 2 days, to Arab street where I spent *GASP* almost $150 on crystals!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But boh pian, my Nintendo DS Lite is a tad spoilt (bought a new one) and my new camera is pink, but barren of any Wendy characteristics, so I had to zhng them!!

BEHOLD!!!!!!!!!!!

MY CAMERA:

This is how it used to look like. Already pretty, but I cannot stand the thought of anyone else using the same camera so must zhng!!

Half-way done! The pattern is pink hearts on a light grey background. I haven't put the crystals onto the lens rim yet.

With flash

Rims completed.
Outer rim is pink with a tinge of purple, and inner rim is Jet Black!!

I apologize for the shitty pictures, but there is no other way to take a photo of my camera except to use the stupid mirror!

I magnificently fail to capture the final product in it's full glory... It's crazy chio!

I seriously almost died when I came to the lens/flash area though. Can you imagine trying to calculate if the next diamante should be grey or pink, when so many parts are missing?

Nonetheless, I only made one mistake (cannot be seen one, it's at the top), and I am superbly proud of myself!!

When the camera is turned on, the lens would then pop up, and the outer rim will even rotate!! It looks damn nice la!!

(BTW... For those anal people... Just to the right of the flash bulb there is the viewing glass, and to the right of that, it seems like I put a black crystal there that is too big right? Just to clarify, I am not a noob and won't make such a mistake!! That black "crystal" is actually the red-eye beam thingy. And to the right of that, the pinhole is the microphone.)

MY DS LITE:


Matchy matchy strap too!

Couldn't let the stylus go without putting some diamantes on it too. KK's idea.

My nintendo DS Lite in Juicy-inspired stripey pale pink and green!!

It looks like dark green in the picture, but it's actually lighter in real life.

For some reason I don't really like it very much though. I guess it's coz the original DS colour is already patent baby pink, and I do like that a lot!!

I tried to find this baby pink opaque crystal called Rose alabaster, but to no avail, so I settled for light pink crystals on the DS, which is called Light Rose.

That, and I did my DS before I did my camera, and only after half of the DS was done did I have a sudden blast of inspiration to put hearts!!

Won't it be nice if the DS and the camera were matchy matchy???!!

If you like my DS very much maybe you can convince me to sell it to you at a high price!! Hahaha!! I bought the 2-day old DS for $225 and and spent almost $100 on the diamonds here, so I'd say... $500 and above? I have crazily superb workmanship (and that's at least 4 hours of painstaking sticking!!)

Altogether I spent at least 7 freaking hours doing this!!**

Anyway, updates on my Juicy Sidekick...

I AM SUPER PISSED OFF OK!!

The seller suddenly emailed me to say that she is sorry, coz she was on vacation and her bf handled her account for her!!

She also said her bf was extremely rude (which he was, more about that later), and that she will mail out my package ASAP - and asked me for my name to write on the package!

?????????????????

In an email 1 hour prior to this, she said that she "already mailed the package out".

QUIT FUCKING PROCRASTINATING AND SEND OUT THE BLOODY THING ALREADY! I don't fucking care if you put my name as Mickey Mouse or Britney Spears, just send it out!

And 1 week prior to THIS NONSENSE, the incoherent BF actually lied to me and said he will mail out the package on 27 April!! I won the bid on 18 April!! Now what date already the package is still in their house!!

I AM FUCKING MAD I TELL YOU!

I just emailed Paypal and filed a dispute against her. $500!! I don't want her bloody phone already!!

I am so pissed off (and mad with longing for the phone) that I am actually crying in anger right now as I am writing this!

Can you believe it was a birthday present?? And now, it's still MIA?!??!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

SO SO SO SO SO PISSED OFF!!

The girl seems nice enough, why is she with a rude, incoherent douchebag? Seriously man, that guy can't string a sentence together!!

But whatever la! We'll see what happens.


UPDATE: She apologized and agreed to refund me. I'll let you all know if she really does.




** FAQs for zhnging:

Q) Woah! You spent 7 hours sticking damn bling? Please, don't you have a life?

A) Woah! You spend 7(++) hours a day working for someone else? Don't you have a life?


Q) Xiaxue please... My niece is dying/daughter's birthday/long suffering mother and it's mother's day soon... can you help me put crystals on XXX product? Please? Out of the kindness of your heart?

A) No. Pay me money or fuck off, you opportunistic scrooge. I'm 100% pro capitalism.


Q) Then how much do you charge? How about $20? Or maybe $25? We can negotiate.

A) I already earn way too much for you to afford my services. HAHAHAHA!! For $20 I will stick the crystals onto your forehead for you, forming the words IDIOT in big shiny letters. Colour of your choice.

TWISTED CHARM – CINEMA (BECAUSE MUSIC)

TWISTED CHARM – CINEMA (BECAUSE MUSIC)

Making weird sounds and noises over guitar music appears to be very in vogue at the moment, the kind of bonkers trick and tactic to be (that is) employed when one wants to sound as if from the cool part of the eighties.

I have a lot of time for Twisted Charm, I genuinely thought “London Scene” was very inventive, well observed and astute; easily one of my favourite songs of the year when it was released. Such strong beginnings do not appear to be maintaining although an opening line of “I’m drowning in cynicism” suggests all has not been lost.

With what is in essence a song about being asked to be taken to the pictures, I swear the drawing of the cinema on the cover of the single that of the Coronet in Notting Hill although I am sure time will prove me wrong but for now let me dream a dream coupled with hoping for another strong song soon in which saxophones return from this most potential of propositions.

A quick flip to the b-side and the strongly titled “Whore” is more in the range of what I was hoping for, a nasty sounding lo-fi snarl with saxophone blasts and a guitar line that makes me question whether I am playing the single at the correct speed on my stereo. With its snappy tone and intentions for me this would have made a much better and more appropriate single.

Be my whore.

Thesaurus moment: please.

Twisted Charm
Because Music

An obsession

Lizards are fast becoming an obsession in my life!!

I share a love-hate relationship with them.

I hate them, and I love to kill them.

In fact, since yesterday I've tried to kill 3 lizards and successfully killed 2 of those 3!!! Mike killed another one with a F21 cargo box.

Bloody batch of lizards all have dark black spots on them. I KILLED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!! Roooarrr!

The escaped one was a baby which escaped my rapidly crushing tissue box... but soon... soon the little fucker will die in my hands.

The other two dead lizards are dead from a lizard trap that I bought!!

Here's my msn Convo with Eekean:

Pink is me red is her obviously

I've always had my doubts about lizard traps... Mike insisted on not buying them before, and his reason was that the bait, which supposedly gives out a scent lizards cannot resist, will actually ENTICE the lizards to come to our place.

But time has proven that enticing or not, the lizards come anyway!

Their favourite place appears to be the kitchen sink, where... believe it or not, lizards need to drink water too!

I suppose in their free time they also like to frolic about and playfully splash the water onto one another, then have disgusting lizard sex and give birth to ugly babies. FUCK YOU!!

They also like the living room coffee table, where, if they are lucky enough, we forget to sweep clear of little food crumbs.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE LITTLE FUCKERS??

I mean, they get a wide variety of little flying insects to choose from, and yet, they seem to prefer to eat human food!!

What's their problem? Insects too gross for you to eat is it?!?

Russell told me that his friend once found a lizard inside a box which contained a single doughnut.

Only a quarter of the doughnut and an extremely fat lizard remained in the box!! Lizard ate 3/4 of a doughnut!!! SHIOK HOR? CAN EAT DOUGHNUT SOMEMORE!!

Therefore, I thus make it my life mission to kills as many lizards as humanly possible.

Even when I am sleeping, I must make sure some of them die... Which is why I bought lizard traps.

These traps are ingenious!!

They are made of cardboard, and you peel off a sticker, revealing a thick layer of glue - and at the middle of it all, a little white ball of innocuous-looking bait.

You fold the cardboard, and there is even a little hole for you to see if lizards got trapped inside, and a handle so that you don't have to touch the dirty muthafucker!

I bought 2 traps and both caught a lizard each!!

Unfortunately, by the time I saw its success both the lizards were dead.

How come so fast die?? I wanted to poke it with a satay stick to watch it thrashing around for a bit first...!! (Sadistic, but serve him right for trying to eat my food when there are plenty of flying insects for him to eat and make himself useful in the food chain.)

Maybe the glue is poisonous? Anyway, both lizards didn't manage to even go close to the bait, so they must have died with a terrible curiousity!!

Orh bi good. I hope their friends come and have a closer look and then, out of pure lizard loyalty, try to extricate the corpse and hold a respectable funeral for the dead. Then, they all get caught too!!

In fact, the live lizards then scream (in their stupid tsk tsk noises) for help and more stupid lizards die in my trap!!

MUAHAHA!!

In fact, last night, after seeing the first trap work, I had a dream that the trap not only caught FOUR lizards, it also caught, for some reason, 2 pouches of roach eggs (ewwwwwwww!!!) and various other grosteque insects!!

I was so happy in that dream can!!

*****************

On a sidenote, I've recently been very controversy-free, haven't I? I wrote a horrible poem about some girls and I free like posting it up, but it's quite mean and will offend many people. Should I? Shouldn't I?

Anyway, some blog reader told me to go read Dawn Yang's wikipedia page, and there I was, stated as the writer of the page!!

I assure you that I am most definitely not!

In fact, I tried to edit the page (of this libelous insinuation - please change it or I will sue you with your IP address), but didn't know how to!!

Wikipedia editing baffles me to no end. It's so confusing with all its minute works and HTML formatting. If I could I'd have certainly edited some of the things on my own page.. *grumbles*

(Apparently dating an Angmoh automatically makes me an SPG, never mind that all my other ex-boyfriends were Chinese... )

End this off with my SPG photo - clickable:

p/s: Thanks everyone who sent me lovely birthday smses!! I didn't reply coz I only saw the messages at 5am and I thought you all might be asleep already... And especially to Ghimz, XF, EK and PY for the "most practical birthday present you can ever get."

I stupidly asked if it's a pimple squeezer, but it turned out to be an angpow!!

Imma buy a Juicy Couture bag with it. What? What did I blurt out? I mean... Imma put it into my self-motivated CPF account for future rainy days.


UPDATE: To the many people who asked me what brand that lizard trap that is, I'm sorry but I really forgot! I threw away the packaging and was thoroughly skeptical about it until I saw it worked - but by then it was plain white cardboard.

Bought it in NTUC and it's one of those glue ones... I think it cost around $3 for 2 traps. Each trap seems to be able to only catch 1 lizard though (prove me wrong, anyone?), and lizards rot really smelly in death so you won't want to keep the trap around for too long after it died anyway.

(I was staring at the pink, bald corpse for a bit. It looks like a transparentish foetus/naked mole rat. REALLY GROSS!!!)

$1.50 for the death of a lizard seems to not be very worth it - so I guess it depends on how desperately you want to kill them! :D

And to those numerous people who told me to be kind/I will go to hell/lizards never harmed me why am I so mean etc etc irritating preachy people who try to tell others what to do: Fuck you.

Riiiiiight, I'm going to listen to you and become the patron saint of lizards suddenly!! Oh yes! I have been so cruel, and all it took was your grammatically incorrect web comment to wake me up and have a startling revelation!

You know what, preachers? If you want to tell others how to live their lives, go ahead and have a kid, so you can infuse it with all your amazing moral theories. Otherwise, nobody's interested.

White patch on my boob is, despite what you all think, not a mutated nipple, but my bikini tan-line.