Out Of The Market.

I remember promising myself to a few things earlier this year. I promised myself that I stay Vegan as long as I can, I promised myself that I stop taking alcohol, I promised myself that I stop smoking, and I promise myself to not sleep around. Well, all of these promises were broken, in some ways.

I remember looking at myself at the mirror and telling myself that I was getting fatter and fatter. I didn't like it. I didn't want to go back to what I was back in 2005. So I hooked up with this vegan dude who in a way inspired me about turning vegan. He had the intentions of saving animals, but from the friends whom I saw, the ones who lost weight from going vegan, I decided that It might work out for me. It did. I stayed vegan uptill now but I have always been very relaxed about it, in a sense whereby I would pretend Japanese Tofu isn't made with eggs, or that Pasta was made with eggs too. So for the first 5 months I managed to loose weight, and then I got off the market, and I started eating and eating and eating, Carbs. My weight then began to go UP UP UP! A knife was plunged into my heart when my friend told me that I gained weight earlier today, and the knife began to have more friends when i asked around if i gained weight or not. Sigh.

As for the no smoking policy, I decided to stop smoking when I flew back to Miri from K.K back in May. I just had my last stick of ciggarette and then quit just like that. I stopped smoking the same time with stopping the drinking habit. I just thought that I didn't need any of those "pass-timers" with me and I could end up saving up extra money in the end. Well, that promise broke when I started smoked and drank during the 31st of August. But only for one night only. Two nights to be more precised.

And the sleeping around part. I told myself that I would try not to sleep around after I got taken advantage of by a cute med student in Singapore last April. I would have slept with him, but I felt taken advantage of because at that particular time I was tired and he was horny. I'm not gonna name any names but I could say that I felt easy. Really easy. So I didn't end up having sex after that and it finally broke last July when I hooked up with another med student. I don't count it as sleeping around because I could say that we're lovers now. But the thing that sucks is that he is now all the way in Russia while I'm in this dead town Miri. God I am so miserable.

Why do we make promises to ourselves? I know I did it to make myself feel better. But why am I still feeling very shitty? The thing is that I try my best to fufill these promises even though I can't commit to it 100%, but just like everybody else, I try.

And I am officially out of the single's market.

*For a totally different post, please visit www.xanga.com/jeffreytanggau