Thought.

So the last time I was in a relationship was about a year ago. And well, I’ve been single ever since I moved to Kuala Lumpur. It’s quite sad actually, cause as the day goes by, I get even more desperate, looking for the next relationship. When my last relationship ended, I was in bad shape, in terms of physical appearances. I was 70kgs when I started my last relationship and was 86kgs when that relationship ended. Talking about letting go.

Then I tried to fix up my life bit by bit. It was hard, moving to a new city, getting used t everything, weight still went up and down. It took me more than half a year but only a few months ago I started really moving on, I am now 73kgs and started making new friends in Kuala Lumpur. I manage to budget my spending (I’m still constantly broke) but I know how to spend less in clubs. My assignments have been going alright and I’m not really alone, I have housemates.

Then came this new person, whom added me on facebook. I realized that we had quite a number of friends in common. So we talked and talked online, not long conversations, but just the usual get to know one another kind of talk, and well, I started liking this new person. In terms of looks, well, fairly good looking, seems like a good background, not too tall, not too short, and not old as well. Everything seems just nice.

I haven’t exactly met this person in person before, we did set a date but before the “day” comes all I do is think about this new person. I keep thinking if it will work out, I hope it will work out, I hope that we will click on our coffee date. I hope for many things. Yes, I am desperate, but I want to be in a relationship badly, with someone I click and care about. I can’t help it because I have two couples living in my house. It’s sad, really.

What I’m scared of is that when we do eventually meet, this person might not be interested in me anymore, or worse, I might not be interested in this person. I want to think that I’m boyfriend material but from the few rejections that I got from being here, well, all I can say is that my confidence is not as high as before. However, I am baring in mind that when a door closes, a window might open.

I hope the coffee date goes well. If it doesn’t, well, then I have to move on.

Life is so sad.

Xoxo

Jeffrey James