rant

I'm sorry for posting this up but I need to let it out. I don't know if this will make you angry or frustrated, or make things better. But because I'm unable to talk to you about it now, I might as well post it up here. I need to let it all out.

I'm not angry, I'm just confused. The short period of time where we went out was pretty good from my side. And well, I enjoyed it.

To be fair to you, I am a younger guy, and you've never really dated someone younger since you're used to dating older people. Financially, I am unable to support you, and in terms of finance, you're also not stable, yet. But, I am not with you because I want to be taken cared of financially, and I know you're not with me cause you want to be taken cared of financially as well.

You telling me that you're not ready, I understand that, you are not in a position to be in a relationship, in terms of where you are now (career wise), you are still trying to settle that issue and I am another 'new' issue you have to deal with. And I know you have to settle that.

I can't say much in terms of your career because I am a student, I don't understand it yet because I haven't gone through what you are going through.

While we were 'going out', you kept telling me that you wanted a 'man'. Someone who knows what he wants. With all that you've said to guide me, I am trying to be a better person, step by step, slowly. I am trying to evolve slowly, cause it's normal for me to do so, I am a student, finding myself, trying to change.

Ever since we started 'going out', we made a deal that we will try this out for a month, by then we will decide if we should or shouldn't be attached or not. I understood you, I understood that you had your doubts about dating someone like me (younger). I understood that you are not used to it. I completely understood where you stand and where I stand.

I wanted to take things slow, I wanted to 'date' for a month and see where it goes, I wanted to slowly get to know you first. But when we went out, I felt like I really did, I was so comfortable with you.

Honestly, when you pointed out my faults, even when it did hurt, I knew I had to change myself, I did it for me, and for you. Because you wanted a man, and I wanted to be that, or at least tried to. I tried to be a man. I learned a lot from my previous relationship, because during my last one, I took things for granted, I thought I wasn't ready.

But seriously, I'm not blaming you for anything, but at first, you began being unsure about me, I understood that, then you told me you were sure, you told me that you thought that we are attached, you knew that we were still at the one month period but you knew that you wanted to make it official. You told your friends about us being attached. For me, I was just going with the flow, taking one step at a time, but I knew that I wanted you, and since you seemed determined about us, I just jumped in with you.

But then, when I did decide to jump in, you told me that you didn't want me (as a partner) and wanted to remain single because you are not ready.

How does that make me feel? I'm handling this reasonably well, because I understand that you are confused.

You told me to be a man, I am trying to, I am willing to try and evolve. So I'm telling you now, please be a man too. I may not be mature, and I can say I am immature sometimes. But please, can you try to at least be a man?

Xoxo

Jeffrey james