ironic

I was awoken this morning with a phonecall from a friend whom was in kl. I'm not going to name her for privacy purposes, but I'm just gonna tell you about the whole ordeal. To cut story short, basically she likes this guy and got really drunk from it and did some stupid things, and because she likes this guy, she did some stupid things already even when she wasn't drunk.

I told her to control herself and don't get too drunk, and to not think too much.

That's something I should be telling myself as well. Over the past few months, well, over my past 'few' relationships, I learned that I should not hold back on my feelings towards a person and just do what my heart tells me to do. It works out good and bad but that's normal. Because of my feelings for someone back home I decided I should visit home more often. Not entirely because of this person but because I can spend time with my family as well.

Somehow I have my insecurities, wondering if that person feels the same way I do or whether or not it's all just a scam, on whether I'm just some fling that this person can have during this person's stint in borneo. Because I was in a situation before whereby I was seeing someone similar who said that that person was single but I found out that the person I was seeing was actually attached.

You see, I don't mind if they're attached or not. Just as long as I'm aware of it. I appreciate honesty because I'm honest as well. But its all just self doubts that makes me go crazy.

Now, as I was advising my friend, I started to think about my situation, of how similar our situation is. Well, mine is not as terrible as hers' but there are the common similarities that we share. I was also drunk last night and I did some stupid things, I let my insecurities get the best of me and I think I was an asshole. I woke up this morning feeling guilty about it and I was advising my friend to not think about it but at the same time I was thinking about my own situation as well.

She was telling me that it was hard for her not to think about it and its true, cause its hard for me not to think about it as well. I must admit I got better control than she does but this whole feelings issue is something that is so hard to deal with. Sometimes it's just so hard to handle and we let it get the better of us. I fucked up my previous relationships due to this as well, due to my insecurities, due to me being scared, and its happening to me all over again. It sucks but I'm gonna try again.

Its funny how a prostitute is advising a whore on how to be more virginal. Its the same as the situation I'm in now.

Sigh

Xoxo

Jeffrey james