I lie, I owe, so off to jail I go.

Before I drop this next post I want to acknowledge all the beautiful people I met at the Blogging While Brown conference over the past two days. (Anslem,I see you doing big things at Jet Magazine. Congrats! Sean, congrats on your big move to the Mayor's office in the Big D as well.) You all are some serious field Negroes. Folks like Nathan from the Color Curve, Curvy CEO,Brotha Tech , Darryl from From Ashey to Classy, (loved being on the panel with you and Slim Jackson) Lamar and his beautiful family still holding it down in ATL, Soca Mom, a fellow West Indian, (and republican to boot) putting in work for her family among you Negroes in D.C., and a beautiful sister from the Chi who knows a thing or two about wines.

Props to Gina for getting this thing going five years ago, it's only going to get bigger and bigger.

Now on to some bad news: I loved how Evander Holyfield put in work in the boxing ring back in the day, that's why I want to help him with his latest little problem.

"Evander Holyfield was one of the great boxing stars of the 1990s and amassed more than a quarter of a billion dollars in purses during his illustrious career. Apparently, though, $250 million doesn't go as far as it used to.
Holyfield, who filed bankruptcy in Fayette County, Ga., in 2008, reportedly owes in excess of $372,000 in child support and may wind up in jail if he does not resolve the issue, according to a TMZ report.

In both 2008 and 2009, his massive 54,000 square-foot home in Fairburn, Ga., went into foreclosure. The home, which sits on 104 acres, has 109 rooms, including 17 bathrooms, three kitchens and a bowling alley. He's had numerous financial issues in the years since.

On Saturday, TMZ reported that the Georgia Department of Human Services has gone to court on behalf of Holyfield's 18-year-old daughter. It alleged he owes $372,097.40 in child support that has gone unpaid since April 2010. According to a 2009 report in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Holyfield has child support payments of more than $500,000 a year. He has at least 11 children." [Source]

Champ, I know a thing or two about this child support thing, so please give me a call ASAP so that I can help you out with this problem. I do not want to see you go to jail for owing child support.

I  could refer you to a wonderful financial planner as well, but unfortunately it might be a bit late for that.

Finally, it looks like a certain person from Central Florida will have to turn himself in to authorities after lying to the court about his finances.

This probably will not come up at trial, because it is not relevant to what happened on that tragic night. But credibility is always an issue with the court. Especially when the other witness to what happened is dead.







   

A secret trip to Afghanistan and a not so secret trip to Negromerica.

O made a secret -and surprise- trip to Afghanistan and gave a "win one for the Gipper" speech to the troops.  (That sound you hear is wingnut heads exploding. I think he is "spiking the football" in the end zone. )"I could not be prouder of you...there is a light on the horizon because of the sacrifice you have made". Good for you, O. The troops needed a pep talk from their CIC.

Unfortunately, it looks like we will be in Afghanistan for at least two more years. That is not what I wanted to hear. One more day in Afghanistan is one day too much as far as I am concerned, so I will have to jump off the O train when it comes to his Afghan policy.

But enough of all this foreign policy talk. Let's talk about a little national politics.

Did you know that President Obama won the election because he is black?

 "He was a historic figure. He’s our first African-American president. The country voted for him because of that. It made us feel good about [our]self. I’ve said it before, it helped that John McCain was about 142 years old. It helped that the economy was tanking. A lot of these things helped. But he never would have gotten there without his historic nature. " [Source]

Yes, because God forbid a black man actually got something on merit.

I love these comments:

" Never happened to the good old days when being black wasn't so cool? I bet they miss slavery, Jim Crowe, the 50's...Good times...Good times...

· 95% of blacks voted AGAINST Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, Alan Keyes, Shirley Chisolm, Lenora Fulani, in favor of Carter, Mondale, Kerry, and Gore. Those are the facts....

· So Obama won because he was black ? Is it safe to assume that the 43 white president won because they weren't ?

· I'd rather be elected because I was black; than be elected because I lied about being a dead-beat dad.

· Boehner was only elected speaker of the house because he's orange.

· thought Clinton was the first black President. Obama is the first white black President.

· We elected 1 black guy because he's black ? Why did we elect 43 white men in a row ?

Yes, because every other Black person who's run for President has been extremely successful!

We all fondly look back on the Presidencies of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Alan Keyes, Carol Moseley Braun, Cynthia McKinney, and Herman Cain, right?

I mean that's all you need to be is Black, right?

Black folks vote for Black folks right? Who cares if John Kerry got 90% of the Black vote in 2004? That must mean he's a secret Black!"

Oh yes, there is that "dead beat" thing. Isn't this the guy who owes his wife over $117,000.00 for child support? Owed field. He settled with her.

Well that explains it. No wonder he is chirping off about O's race. There is nothing like clearing up those child support issues to help you get your voice back.

Anywhoo, I took a trip to Negromerica today, and I have some thoughts:

First, you Negroes need to stop sending your children off to school with soda pop and potato chips. That is not a "breakfast of champions". No wonder your kids can't learn in school.

Second, it's called a child safety seat for a reason. If you have a damn toddler in your car they should be strapped into a child safety seat. Their little bodies need all the protection they can get in case of a sudden impact. This device really doesn't cost that much. I see some of you with handbags that are worth twice as much. Invest a little of that money into your child's safety.

Third, why are there so many satellite dishes? It seems like every other house in Negromerica has a satellite dish. That cannot be a good thing.  

Finally, if I ever get elected to city council, the first bill I will introduce will be one limiting the amount of churches and liquor stores within certain areas.

Why? Because driving through Negromerica you would think that all Negroes do is drink and pray.