Tuesday, September 30, 2008

MAKE MODEL – THE L.S.B. (THE BIZ/V2 RECORDS)



MAKE MODEL – THE L.S.B. (THE BIZ/V2 RECORDS)

Trying to make good, Make Model appear to be grafters on this appearance and very little else. Using the effect that makes a band sound as if they are playing through/down a telephone line, this band almost sounds like Bis being played at the wrong speed. If this is what the kids want then perhaps instead of serving this up, a branch should be extended to recommending those that came before in order to clear stock first.

I have to admit this is a confusing construction but one that is not entirely disagreeable, just one that struggles to appear purposeful. The belief (for me) was that Make Model were going to sound like The Delgados (before they came with strings attached) but instead it is a minor stomp with the female vocals that I would have expected to be in the forefront being most deftly switched to the background for groceries.

The b-side is entitled “Czech Neck”, an obvious reference to the students favourite. The mere reference alone hints at a superior sense of humour but the resulting track is sedate and without a tinge of jolly.

A few years ago I could see and imagine this band hanging around and comfortably slotting into the lo-fi DIY scene but as a scene barely exists anymore it is tough to imagine Make Model possessing any such desire to be so low on the indie rock food chain.

Right now as I write this there is a fox harbouring outside my window in the spacious building that is to become a supermarket. I would imagine Make Model are looking for similar growth and extermination.

Blame the accountants I say.

Thesaurus moment: delay.

Make Model
V2 Records

Monday, September 29, 2008

Health and Hovid

Advertorial

I've been sent a bottle of "Anti-oxidants" by Hovid, the leading pharmaceutical manufacturers in Malaysia.




Quite frankly, throughout my life I've never taken health supplements before! When I was a kid maybe I did chew on those orangey robots vitamins, but that was it.

Mike, however, is always popping vitamin pills.

While I look at him, politely puzzled, he always just says "our bodies don't get enough vitamins".

I guess what he says has some truth in it, coz with all the junk we are eating nowadays, I think it is highly unlikely I am hitting my vitamins quota, and neither are you (if you are not some health nut).

Therefore, health supplements!!




This little bottle that they sent me says "Maxi Bio Absorption" and claims to have this thing called "Coenzyme Q10" in it. What? I don't understand what that is!

Fortunately trusty wikipedia is always around for things that matter (ahem therefore I'm on it, ahahaha!), and I was quite shocked to see how awesome this Q10 thing is!

Skipping the boring parts, in short, it helps:


Mitochondrial Disorders - Dunno what it is but I hope I don't get it.

Migraine headaches

Cancer - as a relief for cancer treatment side-effects and being investigated as a treatment.

Brain health

Cardiac arrest

Blood pressure

And even increased the lifespan of rats who take it!



It's like a miracle thing leh!!


But actually, this Q10 occurs naturally in our bodies (as well as in other things such as chicken leg/pork heart), just that most of the time we don't produce enough, or do not absorb enough of it.


This is where Q10 Supra-Bio comes in. It's absorption formula makes it easy for our bodies to absorb loads and loads of Q10!!


Wait, I hear something...




The pills want out!




These little yellow pills are chockful of Q10 goodness...




I'm gonna eat them!



Ahem.


Today I am going to teach you how to take your vitamins!!






Pose with your pills. No reason. Just do it.




Open bottle. Smell it a bit. Is it moldy?
Check expiry date. 1989? No? 2011? Ok good.




Pick your favourite pill of the lot!




Pop it into mouth! Don't bite, swallow!




Water to flush it down. Plus water is good for you!!




Task finished!




Show love or it won't work for you.

True story.




OK la, those were just lame excuses to cam-whore.



But seriously though... I watched Money No Enough 2 (very sad show leh...), and those of you who have seen it are probably also reminded of the importance of health.

Taking care of one's body is really crucial and people should not take a back seat and take good health for granted.


It is true! If you can't be bothered to exercise, then health supplements should be taken - after all, they are so easy... No effort needed whatsoever.

(Unless of course you are in some desert and water is very scarce so you can't swallow your pills.... But then again people in deserts probably don't take health supplements.)


So, where do you go to if you want to buy some vitamins?



It is no secret I am a big fan of online shopping, and I can't believe now you can even buy health products online!

The steps are really easy - choose your product, register, pay, and if you are in Singapore, you will get your products within one day!

Now that's what I call awesome shipping!

If you have any enquiries, the best thing is, there is a live desk of Hovid staff who are more than willing to answer your questions immediately!

No more need more long emails and waiting for replies (only to realise the person misunderstood your question. Always happens to me).


Hovid's website is exceedingly easy to navigate, and their products range from Teas to Women's Nutrition to Cardiovascular... Got a lot la!


Of course, you have to be very careful and stringent when purchasing consumable items.

Who can forget the Slim10 incidents?!

Therefore, only purchase from the most trustworthy companies!


Hovid Berhad is a listed company based in Ipoh, Perak, and has been around since 1945. It first started when Dr. Ho Kai Cheong founded Ho Yan Hor tea.

Familiar?


It's this one!






My dad and mom love it.


The company has since then grown into one of the leading pharmaceutical manufacturers in the world with over 300 products and distributing to over 40 countries.

I've personally had the pills and I am feeling fit as a fiddle!!

So get your much-needed vitamins today, you couch potato!

If not, get it for your elderly parents/grandparents, you unfilial person!


Click here to buy!


(Also I suspect it is cheaper to buy directly from the production company...)


POSTNOTE:
Since so many of you have asked me, my lip gloss is from Chanel and its colour 106. It should cost either $40 or $30, I forgot!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Siao one

Short post before I go sleep.

I ordered Mcdelivery.

Suddenly I received 5 smses!



Yes, I got it, you "be reching soon".

Before I even have time to read all the (grammatically incorrect) messages on my frazzled phone, he called me and announced that he is at the door.

When Mike finally got the to door, he (Mike) told me that the delivery was giving him this du lan face.

Like hello? You rushing go where sia??? Deliver more shit?

And isn't it dangerous to be sending out smses on a motorbike?

AND AND........ WHY MUST I STANDBY AT MY DOOR FOR YOU AH??? I take as long as I want to answer the doorbell, goddamn it!

Actually I am not angry lah... I'm just quite amused. Why 5 smses?

Maybe within Macs also got F1 race, then the delivery guys were all competing to see who can deliver the most McNuggets within 61 trips?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Clarice


When the Yellow Fever took his beautiful wife Eleanor, Norman was left to raise their only child Clarice. With a broken heart he did the best he could but life was so dark with out her. He found himself sinking deeper and deeper into debt and doom.


He lost his job at the coal mine because he had no one to care for Clarice and with no job it wasn't long before the bank took their home.


Norman had no where to turn and no family to help. He had no choice but to go to Mrs Blathersby's orphanage for the unattractive and mentally unsound. He knew that it was unusual for a grown man to ask to live there but he thought he could perhaps work for their room and board. He begged her to take them in and Mrs Blathersby agreed to and said he could be the gardener. She gave them a room in one of the towers.


Norman thought that since they were no longer in their home, the dreams would stop, but night after night Eleanor came to him pleading with him to bring Clarice and join her on the other side.


One night after waking in a sweat from yet another dream, Norman did the unthinkable!


While sweet Clarice lay asleep with her teddy tucked under her arm, he took his garden sheers and slit her throat. He then climbed up onto the night table, threw a rope over the rafter and hung himself.


Norman did not realize that by taking his own life he would not be able to join his wife and daughter and would be forever in the small room in the tower.


Clarice can be seen from time to time wandering the gardens looking for her him.
Clarice's nighty is hand made along with her night cap and bloomers using my great grandmother dress which is round 125 years old. The lace trim is recycled as well but is from around the 60's. She is truely one of a kind:)






Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The bestest blog entry

With regards to my latest Plasticzilla entry, I've basically received these (bad) remarks:


1) Xiaxue you are just jealous. Because even without plastic, Dawn looks better than you.


Ans:

You are 100% right. Ok la maybe 80%, because I am not actually jealous. The point is, so? At least, I can safely say I never tried as hard as she did. :)


2) Omg you are so mean! How would you like it if someone also dug up your old ugly photos and posted them?

Ans:

Honestly, I don't care.


I don't!

You think to yourself, what the fuck man, you are just saying this because nobody has exposed your ugly photos.


In order to prove how much I don't give a shit about what you people (and that includes 30,000 of you) think of my looks, I am hereby going to show you an array of my ugliest IC photos - with a timeline from 13 years old to 23 years old.


If I don't care about what people think of my looks, why do I photoshop? Because 1) it is an art that I enjoy doing and 2) it makes ME happy to see prettier photos.

What is appearance? What is image? I cannot be arsed as long as people I love love me... shortness, squatness, lumpiness and all. As for looks, as long as the man I love is attracted to me, that's all that's enough. :) Plus,I am satisfied with the way I look! Not 100% mind you, but it's good enough.


However, just posting goddamn ugly photos does not constitute a bestest blog entry - just a mildly entertaining one.

Therefore, I am additionally going to PHOTOSHOP these horrendous photos into fake but gorgeous versions of me!! MUAHAHAHAHA


Prepare... TO BE IMPRESSED. And horrified.




Age 2

A joke lah! This is obviously not ugly.

In fact, here I am, zhao-genging happily, and I think, relatively cute!

I don't know what happened to me during teenage years to become so goddamn ugly.

How did my mother love me???


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Age 13, Sec 1

Single eyelids, humongous nose, centre-parting and a flabby jawline.

To add insult to injury, there are also green ink splotches staining the picture.

Could you blame me for wanting a nose job with that nose? HONESTLY??


Photoshop magic:




Woah! Suddenly got chio blue eyes!


The eyelids are a bit fake-looking though, coz for this pic I actually DREW it on. Just to try and see how it will turn out.

Got tiara somemore!


Side by side:






************************************





Age 14, sec 2

Bah. My act ah-lian age.

Eyebrows shaved into a thin, straight line...

Fringe cut by myself, and one side of hair tucked behind ear. To create what look, I don't know. Maybe lop-sidedness was in?

Anyway I wore a SHIRT coz ah lians wore shirts then. :D

At this point, trying very hard to get double eyelids by sticking tape everyday.



Photoshop magic:



No more asymmetrical hair! Got ribbon somemore!

I like what I did to the lips.


Side by side:





************************************





Age 15, sec 3

Wah lau eh cannot stand it. Sibeh act chio.
Eyes really opened to the max.


Photoshop magic:




Nothing photoshop can do about the "act chio"ness.

The hair looks spastic but better than before...


Side by side:





************************************



Started to get bad case of acne...



Age 16, sec 4

Yikes.
Nothing photoshop can do to save this eyes-half-closed photo, you exclaim.
You are wrong!


Photoshop magic:




I had to liquify the eyes until I almost died.


Side by side:







************************************



Worst of the lot:


Age 16, sec 4

Greasy, sallow and pimply... I look so dirty! Reminds me of Professor Snape with the curtains of oily black hair... Eww!!

Don't blame me, blame the hormones, ok!

How come last time when I look like that still got people wanna be my friends?? Eekean!!!!!!!! *Leans close to Eekean with pulsating pimples*

Photoshop magic:



How did I do it?! I am so bloody talented!
Got healthy glow leh!!

Side by side:




Finally got out of secondary school!


Time for make-up!!


Age 17

You all saw this already.
Is it possible to save the eyes?


Photoshop magic:



Look a little startled but still much better than before!

Cloned my hair so that it doesn't look like some weird wind blew it to one side.


Side by side:





************************************




Age 18

Finally, after years of painstakingly sticking on double eyelid tape almost daily, I developed double eyelids!

I also found out about mascara and started abusing it.

ZA's foundation, however, does not seem to be able to cover my zits...

Photoshop magic:



Chio!

Side by side:





************************************



A few months later, with my hair a tad longer, I went back to the same place to take another picture.


Age 18

I fucking HATE my huge nose! Thank god it's like heaved into half now. I love you Dr Huang!!!

Somehow my eyebrows became nicer though, and I learned that you could shade your nose bridge... (although that didn't work out coz it made the nose look larger than godzilla's ass)

Also, I think I look like someone who will steal your husband. Why ah? Is it the chubbiness and slanty eyes?


Photoshop magic:



Much easier to edit with make up on. Reduced nose by 20000%.


Side by side:





************************************




Age 20

This is not an IC photo but somehow it's inside my pile of IC photos so I included it in!

Complexion cleared up and I now have long hair! Yay for long hair!


Photoshop magic:



Nothing much, just made jawline sharper and nose smaller.


Side by side:





************************************




Age 22

Still pre-nose job... Except now I have better eye make up.

What is it about IC photos that makes your nose so big??!

Photoshop magic:




Much chioer!

Side by side:





************************************





Age 23, Year 2008

Post nose job. I know it still looks kinda big, but it is already much smaller!!!

This is an unedited photo taken with my digicam for the purpose of my expiring passport!

I just so happened to have a glorious tan that day. Woohoo!


Photoshop magic:




Made nose smaller and jaw sharper as usual.


So... The question you all have been dying to ask me:

"HOW DID YOU DO IT?"

Pure talent! Hahaha... No lah... I mean, yes, I am awesome at photoshopping (people), but of course, 90% of the credit goes to the tool liquify!

I also use burn around the eyelids... dodge to create the "coloured" eyes. I change the hues and contrasts, and add lash and hair brushes...

For rouge on the cheeks I simply use the brush tool (colour pick the lips). See? I am so nice, I share!


Let's have a little contest!

Let me pick my ugliest photo...

Ahh.... this one:




Can you try to also photoshop this
and make it chio?!



Send me your work and if the response is good enough I shall post up your artwork (plus link, if you wish) on another blog entry!!

Please don't be childish and make it uglier hor. It is already so ugly, don't need your help, thanks.

Send to xiaxue@gmail.com!

Credits to the various photoshop brushes of hair, accessories and eyelashes I downloaded from deviantart.com. I am sorry I can't credit the real creator as I have so many brushes I don't know who created what!


UPDATE:

83 PHOTOSHOP ENTRIES RECEIVED!

Please stop sending in anymore as I am compiling them up. Thanks for the effort guys!! :) :)