Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I win for "Grossest New Year Anyone Can Probably Be Experiencing"

Happy new year!

Contrary to the false alarm on my wikipedia entry that proclaimed I died on Xmas day in Dallas, I am alive, kicking, and apparently, blogging too!

More about that later.

As I was saying, Happy New Year!

You know who is NOT happy today?


You know who is even more unhappy than me today?

The thousands of maggots that lived in my fridge and just got killed.

Bon Appetit! May I tempt you with some nuggets perhaps?

(Although maggots probably do not know it's New Year today... But still... Generally an unhappy day for them.)

Yup. Disgusting.

You are probably wondering why my fridge was in this state. Maybe one day Mike and I will look back upon this story and laugh about it, but not right now.

So anyway... As you already know, we left on 10th of Dec for Dallas, and just reached Singapore on NYE at 1am. That's 22 days including time zone differences.

Before we left the house, we made sure all windows got shut and turned off all our electrical applicances.

Mike said, "Let's just hit the braker, make sure everything is off."

"Okay!" I chirped.

So with that, we turned off the main power supply and left the house with no electricity on - at all.

Two hours later, we were seated on the plane to Korea when I gasped.

"What?!" Mike said.

"The fridge. Oh my god," I replied.

"Oh shit... It's off isn't it? Oh shit." Mike sighed. "I'm so sorry baby... I just didn't realise..."

"Me neither... Oh well, it probably would just go bad... Flies can't go in and lay eggs, can they? It's sealed shut..."


Little fuckers!!!!!!!!!

The moment we opened our door, the stench was so overpowering it seriously like... knocked me backwards. The entire house stank so bad, I had gagging reflexes as I ran to open the balcony door and all windows.

The fridge had a pool of ambiguous brown liquid leaked out underneath it.

That brown liquid had flies on it.

"Maybe it's melted chocolate. I have some chocolate inside," I said hopefully. Doesn't smell like it though.

"I'd bet it's the ground beef..." Mike being ever the pessimist.

We knew we had a packet of nuggets (sealed) some hot dogs (sealed), and some ground beef (not securely sealed in cling wrap). That's all the meat we had.

We were both wrong.

We turned on the fridge to freeze whatever vermin which might be living inside to death first, and finally worked up our courage to open the fridge door the next morning.

Armed with insecticide, we opened it and jumped away in case anything would hop out and leech themselves onto us.

A cloud of opaque air gushed out of the freezer...

OMG....... The smell...... The wiggling of thousands of worms......

I've never been more disgusted in my whole fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Are you taking a picture?!!" Mike said indignantly at me as I clicked away. Yeah... Good blogging material what!

"Do you really want to remember this moment?" He asked amidst making gagging noises.

"Might be funny later,"
I shrugged.

No such thing as 'bad time for camwhoring'

And in case you are wondering, the white towel is my gas mask for the day.

So we started cleaning it - Throwing away EVERYTHING inside.

The brown liquid came from a hugeass packet of frozen (once upon a time) chicken breast fillets that we both forgot existed.

It is so muthafucking soggy and disgusting.

The ice trays had ice in it and dead maggots UNDERNEATH the ice.

I only took one picture of the maggots because I ran away after that. Those you see is just a small part of what was actually there.

The inside of the fridge had way more, and there was a palm-sized area that was soooooo full of eggs stuck there, the entire area was just brown in colour.

The smell... Did I already talk about the smell??

It smelt exactly like how the lizard that dead in my computer cables smelt like. Like a somewhat salty, sour smell. A little like dried sotong but 1000 times worse.

And... It goes deep into your nose canal and stays there so that you can still smell it hours later. If you breathe through your mouth, you can even taste it somewhat.

Mike shoo-ed me away to hose all the maggots away... He is so goddamn brave, I tell you.

My hero. He told me to mosaic his ugly clothes.

One hour later Mike cleared most of the stuff off. Maggots 101: They are sticky!

My turn. I scrubbed "egg marks" off with a toothbrush, wiped down all nooks and crevices with a soapy hand towel, then wiped down all surfaces with a dettol-infused hand towel (burns like bleach), then wiped everything with soap again.

All while gagging consistently at the horrible smell.

Dismantled the fridge to clean everything out. The maggots even got inside the back plate of the fridge, those little fuckers!!

Poured Dettol down every possible surface

Dettol is awesome!

And then I squeegeed maggot eggs and excess water off the wet floor into the drains.


We thought after few hours of slogging (mostly Mike slogged coz he reckoned it is his fault) the fridge is spanking clean, even though it still stunk like hell.

So we let it air-dry, went out for lunch, and brought charcoal deodorizer and baking soda.

When we went back home, to my horror, I saw a maggot crawling on the goddamn door! WTFWTFWTF!!! How is that possible?!

(I sprayed it with insecticide to watch it die first. That felt good.)

The answer was that the insides of the rubber flaps that sealed the fridge shut was still bloody infested with eggs and maggots!!! Muthafuckers!

Honestly man... We should've just thrown the bloody fridge away and bought a goddamn new one for our landlord. He can't possibly mind... This fridge is so old and small anyway.

About $400 for a fridge like that... I'd pay double that amount to not have to deal with this shit!

Imagine that.

Some unknowing fucker would open that fridge door, thinking he might be able to get a free fridge from the rubbish pile... AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! It won't be us getting that gush of maggoty fragrance! Orh bi for being a greedy poke!

Sigh. If the smell doesn't clear up, I'm really gonna get a new fridge. I honestly cannot imagine eating any food out of that fridge, ever again.

Cheers!Aren't you happy you are not me?!

Well... The good thing is... my year can only get better!


So yeah... Someone edited my wiki page to say that I died in a car crash during Xmas day when I was driving alone in Dallas. The person even included the time - approximately 5.30pm!

Creative, huh?!

At precisely that time I was actually in Mike's mom's place eating a sumptuous Xmas dinner of Alaskan crab legs dipped in melted butter.

I was aboard the plane on NYE and was just about to turn off my phone before the plane took off, when Ming called me all the way from Bangkok to USA through Singaporean phone lines.

"Are you ok?" he asked. "Someone wrote on your wiki page you died!"

"Of course I am ok lah! Won't it be fucking scary if I am dead and talking to you now?" I laughed.

After I hung up I felt a bit scared. What if my plane crashed and I died on NYD? Won't it be infinitely morbid?!

But I survived the flights even though they were not very pleasant.

Good joke, whoever you are!!!!!!

I hope you die in a car crash too! :) Remember to let me know during your last surviving moments so I can update your wiki page also, k? What do you mean how? Email me lah!! Oh right... You don't have a wiki page because you are not important enough. Oh well...

But honestly though... I quite understand.

I mean this fucker, whoever he is, actually was online during Xmas day, went to the wikipedia page of a virtual stranger, and entertained himself by editing it with my death.

That about sums up the Xmas Day plans of the biggest loser in the world.

Honestly, shouldn't you be eating turkey with parents who love you and opening presents from people who cared about your existance??

I sound like I am angry, but I actually found this whole thing pretty funny.

Shin Min also called me to ask me to comment about this! They must have found it funny too. :D

I'll update with USA pics soon!!



Just a friendly reminder not to ever turn off your fridge!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Some thing New

I thought I would try a new type of doll, thought it might be fun a add to a sculpted doll but it ended up being too big for the new doll I am working in. I am alo trying a different armature for the new doll I am working on. She hasb't told me yet who she will be but I think it is getting close:)

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Kuala Lumpur

It's traveling time for me once more and I am annoyed by the fact that I will be unable to sleep early tonight! I know that negative thoughts as well as planning would be running around in my mind somehow. I am however very excited about Kuala Lumpur. I'll be in KL on the 26th of December to the 5th of January! For my friends who are there, please call me so that we can go for coffee or something!

On another note, my lover just told me that he made out with this guy recently. Well, I have hooked up with one or two people since we got together. And I have been feeling very guilty for doing so. But when he told me I didn't even feel sad or whatsoever. I however felt excited for him because he is having some scandals whereby I'm not, wonders of what being closeted can do to you.

Cheers Party People! I'll be posting up pictures from KL~! Loves!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

nightmare before Christmas tree:)

This is our Christmas tree at the tattoo shop and some shop photos. A mannequin with a bali mask with Christmas bows in her hair:) Isn't she cute??
And me and mylife long beau.


Introduction: When in summer of 1999 Harrow Social Services in Middlesex, England employed a Catholic nun to work as a social worker with mentally ill she was wearing her religious uniform. There were members of Community Mental Health Team who rolled their eyes at this appointment and I wondered why. I asked them how did they know she was a nun and they told me because of the way she was dressed when she came to her interview.

In UK psychiatrists, psychologists, nurses, administrators and social workers working with mentally ill have not been wearing uniforms since at least 1970's.

I decided to investigate this issue of uniforms. At first, I did literature search and found that there were already hundreds of papers about the wearing of uniforms in psychiatry. The research found that not wearing e.g. nursing uniforms was associated with better compliance with medication, less violence on psychiatric ward, and less self-harm. It has been thought that medical uniforms act as a barrier to trust between the patients and staff.

However, I could not find any scientific publications about the wearing of religious uniforms and mental illness. There were newspaper reports of murders of nuns by a psychotic patient. Therefore, I thought it could be worthwhile to find out what mentally ill patients living in the community thought about religious uniforms. Do they find religious uniforms off-putting or attractive?
There were newspaper reports of various nuns being murdered by mentally ill.
Method: In order to investigate, I asked a psychologist to review my methodology ( a questionnaire, I designed) and he made very useful suggestions but did not wish to be named in fear of persecution as he was still working in National Health Service (NHS), United Kingdom, Europe. In 21st century he feared persecution and I think he was right to do so as I discovered it for myself too late. General Medical Council, UK made itself busy for more than twelve years persecuting me and destroying my career. They still allow religious fanatics to sit at their fitness to practice panels and judge other doctors. They have been allowed to sit at Council as well and obstruct progressive medical policies. Religious extremists can decide what will be on the agenda and what will not be. Labour government from 1997 - 2010 pushed religion into public forum and GMC followed it. Thousands of doctors were persecuted and mainly ethnic minorities suffered.

An Information page about the questionnaire on religious uniforms worn by social worker was given to patients in order to obtain their consent and confidentiality was assured.

Research Ethics Committee was informed about the proposed research and permission for research requested from a medical director. An Ethics committee member wrote to say no permission from the whole of Ethics Committee (17 members) was required for such a simple research project. Medical director in the Department of Psychiatry where research took place refused to reply to my requests for permission (four times). Finally, at the public hearing before GMC he gave his reason: as the results of the research could go against his friend, another medical director in a different trust where a nun, social worker was situated and working wearing her religious uniform. Thus "old boy network" came before patient or justice needs. Many years later I discovered this Medical Director was in fact, a religious man, associated with Special Interest Group in Spirituality at The Royal College of Psychiatrists. Contrary to Good Medical Practice he was actually, blocking research because of his own religious views.

For research two questionnaires were designed: Questionnaire A and B.

In one there was a photograph of a Christian nun dressed in her religious uniform (actress) and a male figure was in casual clothes (actor). Under each of the photographs there was a Linkert scale (line) and patients had to place a line across a horizontal line which at one end said: Most off-putting and at the other: Most attractive. That way they would indicate their preference. The closer the vertical line to one end, it would indicate preference for that dress (photo above the scale).

Another questionnaire had the same male actor but this time dressed as a Christian priest dressed in his religious uniform and the same female actress, but this time wearing her casual clothes. Again patients had to score on Linkert scale.

Questionnaires were mixed and given randomly to patients attending mental health community center and a couple to hospital in patients.

Two patients declined participation.


Forty-five mentally ill patients completed the questionnaires. I found that 60% of patients preferred a casually dressed person to the one wearing a religious uniform.

Twenty five percent had very strong positive feelings towards a social worker dressed in a religious uniform as well as towards the social worker dressed in casual clothes. In other words, 25% had expressed extreme view of liking either.

Fifteen percent had strong negative feelings towards somebody dressed in a religious habit or casually dressed.

Some patients wrote uninvited comments on the questionnaire such as having difficulty trusting a religious person e.g. with intimate problems of sexual nature. There were also verbal comments by patients when questionnaires were handed. Some told of memories of oppressive religious upbringing.


United Kingdom has policies of religious diversity in public life. When I enrolled to study a political course I was amazed that this was recognized as: " religious diversity at the price of social justice". Clearly, what was new to me was perfectly well known to political academics.

There is a long history of religion coming before the interests of the patients in public institutions, apparently.

During Labour Government, Department of Health issued guidance on uniforms worn when working with ill people. It lacks clarity as to where religious uniforms are danger to health and safety but it does say that health and safety comes first and not religion. But who is going to interpret it to whom?

As far back as 1998 Economic and Social Research Council published: Taking Stock What do we know about violence? The Economic and Social Research Council is the UK's leading research and training agency addressing economic and social concerns. It describes its "aim to provide high quality research on issues of importance to business, the public sector and government. The issues considered include economic competitiveness, the effectiveness of public services and policy and our quality of life".

In its publication mentioned above it concludes:

"Those who experience discrimination because they are gay or lesbian, have experienced psychiatric treatment, or have mental health problems, are members of disabled, disfigured, racial, religious or 'ethnic minorities', also report high levels of violence.

Twelve percent of priests were physically attacked compared to ten percent of police. Seventy one percent of clergy had been verbally abused or threatened with violence in the same two year period according to this mainly government funded research body.

On 17th November 1999 I blew the whistle on the wearing of religious uniform by a social worker. It was ineffective in terms of the action taken by Social Services in Harrow. They continued to employ the nun for several years until she left to work for a residential home for the elderly run by Catholic Church where she is a manager now.

The Royal College of Psychiatrists, with religious President, decided the issue of religious uniforms, when mentioned at the Public Policy Committee was not part of the College's responsibility to take a view on in 2001 but they eagerly formed Spirituality Special Interest group for themselves previously. My pleading letter was sent to Spirituality Section of the Royal College of Psychiatrists!

In 2003 I was found guilty of serious professional misconduct by the General Medical Council (GMC), London for offending the Catholic nun because I invited her to a meeting to discuss the issue of wearing the religious uniform. Of course, this cannot be professional misconduct and even less so serious. However, I mention it to illustrate just how incompetent that Fitness to Practice Panel at General medical Council was.

One of the members of the Fitness to Practice Committee that judged me so wrongly was a Secretary of Christian Medical Fellowship who wrote of his belief that demons cause epilepsy and who thinks psychiatry is a specialty down the corridor so he would never practice it. Another member of the same committee knew the person who brought complaints against me to GMC. This is a double bias. I did appeal to High Court, but they tend to rubber stamp GMC decision. There is religious bias/other authority in High Court.

Only in December 2006 Department of Health promised guidelines on uniforms following requests for clarification by a Conservative MP in Parliament. I think he was worried about Muslim dress.
I wrote continuously to various politicians since 1999 without success.

In 2007, eight years after I raised the issue of wearing religious uniforms Department of Health produced the guidance on workwear. It is inadequate and, of course, ignores mentally ill, children and elderly. It puts the wishes of the workplace before the needs of the patients.

In 2007 Department of Health NHS guidelines on uniforms and work wear were sent to NHS trusts who were allowed to develop their own policies. None of the policies I have seen so far show any definitive statements about religious uniforms in mental health. Nobody wants to touch the subject, it appears to me.

There is a general statement that Health and Safety issues are primary concern.

Most professionals would not find time to study this safety issue and old scientific papers are not at all readily available as I found out. The original papers on uniforms in psychiatry are not to be found on the Internet or in most medical libraries. There is also the cost of obtaining them. Who would be so dedicated? Who would pay hundreds of pounds out of their own pocket to find out the results of research on uniforms in mental health?

It would appear that this blog is the first publication in the world about the opinion of mentally ill people about the wearing of religious uniforms. It seems to mirror what one would expect from normal population: tendency towards secularism too. Religious uniforms are off putting to patients. This is not a spectacular surprise.

My recommendation is that no religious uniforms should be worn in mental health settings ever in keeping with current knowledge and custom that uniforms in general should not be worn when working with mentally ill people. It is also in keeping with European Convention on Human Rights as well as Equality Law 2010.

There are many reasons why religious uniforms should not be allowed when working with mentally ill:

1. Equality and fairness for all mental health workers-no uniforms of any sort should be worn; religious or not.

2. Specific reasons e.g. violence prevention. There have been a number of murders of priests and nuns in the world already. Away from this extreme one finds that most of the clergy in UK have experienced at least verbal aggression (at least 70%)

3. Trust between patient and professionals is essential in order to obtain medical history and therefore, further down the line formulate diagnosis and plan treatment. Uniforms act as a barrier to trust.

4. Religious dogma against homosexuality, abortion, other religions, and races is not useful to say the least in mental health setting or any other public setting.

5. There are religious beliefs that mentally ill may be possessed by devil, demons and so on. Who needs that to burden and stigmatize them further?

6. Those who have suffered abuse at the hands of clergy and have post traumatic stress disorder are more likely to suffer panic attacks. Those who suffer from panic attacks are more likely to die from heart problems. Recent research has confirmed the latter. People who have mental illness have reduced life expectancy by as much as twenty years. Why stress mentally ill people further in order to please the religious people?

7. Wearing of religious uniforms in National Health Service is like religious institutions getting advertising for free in state funded health settings. We would not accept people wearing e.g. Mc Donalds Restaurant uniforms to come to work in NHS. So why allow religious uniforms?

Limitations of the study:

This is the first research in the world on the wearing of religious uniforms and bigger and better studies could follow.

Substantial discussions on this subject could be easily developed further.

There are a number of aspects that have not been addressed at all e.g. fear of religious authority. Perhaps some people would express strong positive answers about the attractiveness of religious uniforms when in fact they do not like it at all. Strict religious upbringing could result in this false answers. Similarly, some people may react in the opposite direction and have intense dislike of religious uniforms based on their bad experiences or views.

European Court of Human Rights has already decided that the right to religious expression is not absolute right and when there are already established rules these should be respected. Thus a Sikh was not allowed to wear his turban on his passport photograph in France. This is in sharp contrast to what British High Court decided e.g. Sikh can wear his turban instead of a motorcycle helmet. Perverse, is it not! European Court ruled for Switzerland that Muslim teacher could not wear her scarf to classroom because children are impressionable and could develop wrong impressions what the school stands for.

We have established rule in UK that uniforms should not be worn in psychiatry and therefore, a nun or a priest should respect it.

Medical institutions such as GMC and the Royal College of Psychiatrists have unfortunately, so far, failed to use their authority constructively and have shown religious bias on this particular issue and the reluctance to even address the arguments. Ethics Committee refuse to think of it from patient perspective. Their obsession is pleasing religious workers. This is contrary to law and custom.

The government has been deprived of good professional advice and guidance in the development of its policies because the Royal College of Psychiatrists is dominated by religious lobby and cannot think of putting patients first. So embarrassing for the whole country.

It is thought that cannon lawyer Thomas Doyle blew the whistle on Vatican on that one and watch it here to see him speak about it.


1. Allan C, Heffernan C, Pallent S, Weaver L.

Uniforms: a strange custom?

Nurs Times. 1992 Sep 2-8;88(36):51 No abstract available

PMID: 1528753; UI: 92409406

2. Smith D.

Uniforms: worn out.

Nurs Times. 1990 Jan 17-23;86(3):32-5. No abstract available.

PMID: 2353951; UI: 90138213

3. Lavender a.

The effects of nurses changing from uniforms to everyday clothes

on a psychiatric rehabilitation ward.

Br J Med Psychol. 1987 Jun;60 (Pt 2): 189-99.

PMID: 3620396; UI 87299541

4. Trauer T, Moss AV.

Psychiatric patients' opinions of nurses ceasing to wear uniform.

J Adv Nurs. 1980 Jan;5(1):47-53.

PMID: 6898235; UI: 80116392

5. Rinn RC.

Effects of nursing apparel upon psychiatric inpatients' behaviour.

Percept Mot Skills. 1976 Dec;43(3 pt. 1):939-45.

PMID: 1012875; UI: 77101849

6. Klein RH, Pillsbury J, Bushey M, Snell S.

Psychiatric staff: uniforms or street clothes?

Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1972 Jan;26(1):19-22. No abstract available.

PMID: 5009421; UI:72096552

7. Brown JS, Goldstein LS.

Nurse-patient interaction before and after the substitution of street clothes

for uniforms.

Int J Soc Psychiatry. 1967-68 Winter; 14(1):32-43. No abstract available.

PMID: 5601658; UI:69015464

8. Stanko EA

Taking Stock what do we know about violence?

1998, ESRC Violence Research Programme; Brunel University, Uxbridge.

Middlesex UB8 3PH, UK

ISBN: 1872166 94 6

UPDATED 14-3-2011

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Thank You!

Thank You! I may have not gotten top 3 that night but I did win Sexiest Smile and Most Popular. I thank all my friends and family for coming to the Charity dinner that night and also all the people who voted for me. Thank you and I love you all!



Ever felt like this before?

After a long day of wearing lens, or just being awake, your eyes feel so lifeless and tired?


I just got sponsored Garnier's Light Brightening Eye Roll-On!!

It's a great invention and I'm surprised that it took humankind so long to develop something like this!

The Roll-on comes in a slim and cute little tube like this - and to soothe puffy or tired eyes, all you have to do is to roll it on!

It uses a state-of-the-art roll-on to massage away tiredness from your eyes, and massaging is a technique used by experts to boost natural draining and decongest tired eyes!

With a stroke of genius, Garnier also added CAFFEINE into the roll-on - that acts as a natural simulant to boost your circulation and give an extra perk to your eyes!

Cleverly, the roll-on comes with an extremely convenient little metal ball to aid your application.

The metal ball is cold and damn shiok! Now I won't fall asleep during MJ anymore!!

No more messing around with eye creams (God I hate those, I can never properly dig the cream out with long nails) or feeling ridiculous when you bring your eye cream out with you.

This one fits right into any handbag!

I think it's perfect for long plane rides. :)

Time to give it a test!

Putting it over my eye area!

Nice cooling effect as the liquid immediately gets absorbed by my skin.

Blend it in.

And you get happy eyes!!!

Garnier also came up with a cute application for phones!

Ever wished you had a Magic 8 ball to bring around with you in case of tough decisions? Well, here's one for your phone, FREE!!

You can download it here and it's super easy!

The game is really simple - your sunny yellow roll-on helps you decide whether you should ROLL WITH IT, or ROLL AWAY!

Rotating... Hurry up, my important life decisions are depending on you!

Well, since I was at home that night, I obviously had loads of things to decide on.

For example ---

I am peckish! Should I or should I not?

Let the game decide!!!!!!



This means I can't eat my Jagabee!!

I don't care!!!


It's totally telling me to Roll with it!!!!!!

Having satisfied my stomach, I skip around trying to find other things to Roll with.


Cute guy sleeping!!!!!

Should I go kiss him???????

Let the game decide!!!!!!!!!!


Must be a technical glitch.

Woohoo! This time it's right!!

Muah muah muah muah muah muah muah muah!!!!!!!


Remember to visit to download this cute game on your mobile for free!

** I do not encourage using this method to decide on whether you oughta murder tonight, or do other illegal things. I'm quite sure the judge will not accept this as an excuse.

P/s: Yes I am aware I got loads of black roots showing. I'm about to go dye it already la, ok! Quit harping on it!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Fun Friday!

So I had a break last Friday from rehearsals. And then I decided to go out with my dearest best friends. I apparently thought that everyone was going to be in Shens. I thought wrong. But I was however High from the wine drinking session that I had earlier with Cass & Hafeez.

It was a fun night. Had a little fun. Went home early. Slept early!