A love letter from my previous relationship.

I was clearing my email inbox and came across a letter from my ex. When i slept with someone else. hehehe!

I woke up this morning with this gnawing feeling rite in the middle of my chest. I even started thinking about stuffs which really doesn’t help when I’m here and u are there. I thought about the age difference, our dissimilarities, are we wanting the same thing, those other people who are just waitin to get in your pants, am I able to commit to what I promise myself or at least try to do till I’m done with this place etc. haha, then I stop!

So I let the news sink in, played it in my mind, thought it over. Yea it hurts, dunno which feeling caused the pain, if I can put it that way. I felt sad, disappointed in a way, but not much. There’s jealousy, damn I’m jealous! No anger though. I’m getting over it, coz the matter of trust and promises don’t come into play, as we both understood, as we didn’t say we were exclusive and promises were never made.
Anyways, it’s understandable; we are far apart, and u looking the way u do.

As for me, I just wanna do this, till I see u; that’s my only aim rite now. And when I do, hopefully, we’ll move from there. I’m not able to promise anything(and u don’t have to either) and I don’t dare looking too far into the future or hope too much. Im doing this stick with one person thing for me, u didn’t force me into this in any way; I just feel right, and I don’t want to lose the feeling, I’m happy. And u, in ways I don’t even realize, made me slide easily into this state I’m in.

I’m just scared, coz I know me, I don’t feel things immediately, it could take me from days to years to actually realize my exact feelings or reactions to any happening that requires emotional judgement. I hope this won’t be deep seated, coz I honestly wish whatever is it we have could be something prolonged. I really wish it does! Haha, waited a year from the moment I first saw u till we actually had a conversation! Makes me smile in a way.

I appreciate that u told me, value the honesty. And I hope u’ll keep on telling me whatever it is that may happen in the future. Not that I like hearin it, not that I wont be affected at all, but at least I’m hearin it from u, at least I know where I stand. And in the worst case anyone tells me stuff like this(u understand this, you’ve been thru it) I’ll be secure in the fact that I know it’s fact or fiction(which I can tell them rite in their faces it’s a lie) as I know everything first hand from u. haha, hopefully I don’t have to receive that kind of news, I’m only human after all, don’t know how much I can take, don’t know how it can affect the way I feel about u, or the way I feel about doing this; whether its worth goin thru or not, whether this feeling is one sided or reciprocal.

Haha, this is such a long mail of me goin on about how I feel and so on.
Basically just wanna say, u don’t have to keep on sayin sorry and I’m fine.
Miss u the same way I missed u the day I left. xoxo.

P/s: sorry for the lameness of this mail. I was reading it and it sucks,haha! Miss u!

It's funny as I read it again, we were so into each other, he was into me la. But then in the end, he tidak pun into me, and we breakup juga.

I love these honeymoon periods.