It's a weird, weird weekend

I like Ike. Why do I jokingly (or am I joking?) call myself an Eisnehower Republican? Here's why.

"And they fired space lasers at Building 7!" A former JPL worker insists that NASA found evidence of cities and advanced machinery on the moon.

Dare ye scoff, ye scoffing scoffers? Well: Y'see that photo to your right? Proof! That's proof, right there! What's wrong with you? Are you blind? Of course I know that there's no air on the moon. What part of "they breathe rocks" don't you morons understand?

Bye bye Biden? Kremlinologists and tea leaf readers say that Joe's out. I disagree.

"Give me your tired, your poor, your sacrifices to Moloch..."As some of you know, Governor Rich Perry belongs to the NAR, the New Apostolic Reformation movement, composed of Christians who are convinced that they are prophets. Perry held a prayer rally on August 6, and he invited some of his NAR buds to speak.

One of his pals was a prophet named John Benefiel, who has heard the word from on high: Satan built the Statue of Liberty.

Libertas is also called the Freedom Goddess, Lady Freedom, the Goddess of Liberty. You know there’s a statue in New York harbor called the Statue of Liberty. You know where we got it from? French Free Masons. Listen folks that is an idol, a demonic idol, right there in New York harbor. People say, ‘well no it’s patriotic.’ What makes it patriotic? Why is it? It’s a statue of a false goddess, the Queen of Heaven. We don’t get liberty from a false goddess folks, we get our liberty from Jesus Christ and that Statue of Liberty in no way glorifies Jesus Christ. There is no connection whatsoever. So I’m just telling you we practice idolatry in America in ways that we don’t even recognize.

It's hard to argue with logic like that. Benefiel also believes that homosexuals are part of an Illuminati plot and that the District of Columbia must be renamed the District of Christ.

Rick Perry's College Days. Yes, Governor Thongor actually went to college, for a bit. I don't care for Maureen Dowd, but this column is worth reading.

Studying to be a veterinarian, he stumbled on chemistry and made a D one semester and an F in another. “Four semesters of organic chemistry made a pilot out of me,” said Perry, who went on to join the Air Force.

“His other D’s,” Richard Oppel wrote in The Times, “included courses in the principles of economics, Shakespeare, ‘Feeds & Feeding,’ veterinary anatomy and what appears to be a course called ‘Meats.’ ”

He even got a C in gym.

It’s enough to make you long for W.’s Gentleman’s C’s. At least he was a mediocre student at Yale. Even Newt Gingrich’s pseudo-intellectualism is a relief at this point.

Can you imagine young Rick Perry trying to figure out what to do with a book? He must have looked exactly like the apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey when they first saw the monolith.

Ulsterman. Everyone's favorite fake insider is at it again. (He used to call himself a "Wall Street" insider, but now he's a "White House" insider.) This time he's saying that Obama hopes to unionize the military.

Believe it or not, a lot of people are taking this crap seriously, despite the obviousness of the hoax. And I'm not just talking about right-wing clowns like this bozo and these bozos and this bozo. Perhaps we should not be surprised that Larry Johnson is printing Ulsterman crap. Of course, Johnson is notorious for his "any stick to beat a dog" attitude.

I'm pretty firmly convinced, at this point, that "Ulsterman" is the creation of the same tricksters who gave us the "Voice of the White House" hoax during the Bush years.

By the way: What do you people make of this?

"Britney, you ignorant slut..." Dan Aykroyd is a UFO buff, as some of you may know. So there he was, trying to have a nice, normal conversation on the phone with Britney Spears, when he noticed that the Men in Black were spying on him. This was during the filming of Crossroads. Having seen Crossroads -- well, some of it -- I suspect that the MIBs were trying to get Aykroyd to look for a new agent.

Most kidding aside, I have to admit -- Aykroyd's "Jane, you ignorant slut" shtick pretty much encapsulated the entire right-wing modus operandi for the next four decades. Rush Limbaugh based his entire act on that one line. Dan's a visionary.

Can wireless make you sick? A lot of people think so. So they are moving to a US Radio Quiet Zone in West Virginia, where wireless is forbidden. Now all they have to worry about are those pesky Mothmen.

The Big Grey Man. Forget the Louvre, forget the Sistine Chapel: The one place I want to see before I die is a Scottish mountain called Ben Macdhui.

Actually, what I really want is to visit a pub at the base of the mountain, where a rheumy-eyed Scot with a wild, scraggly beard and an accent thicker than a Texan skull will offer a fierce warning: "Dinna go up to the mountain, as ye value your life and reason! For that is the realm of Fear Liath Mor, the Big Grey Man, and death awaits you with nasty big pointy teeth!"

And I'll answer: "You manky Scots git. What's he do -- nibble your bum?"

And he'll say: "He's got huge, sharp...um... Well, he can leap about. Look at the bones!"

Grey Man or no Grey Man, I'll die happy after that exchange.